Eddie Latekka quotes from October Road

Eddie

Ohhhhh... goodbye sex, huh? It's always the best kind.

Hannah

How would you know? You never say goodbye. You're always around.

Sam

Interesting.

Eddie

What?

Sam

Or maybe disappointing is more like it.

Eddie

Your mom here?

Sam

No, she couldn’t make it. She’s too busy convincing the nicest person in all of Knight's Ridge that you’re not as bad as you seem right now.

Eddie

You’re a little out of your station here Sam, don’t you think?

Sam

Why didn’t you bring her? ‘Fraid of getting teased?

Eddie

It’s a tough lesson about getting older Sam, but everyone has a role in the big picture. If somebody stops serving that role, then, the whole thing crumbles.

Sam

So what’s your role?

Eddie

To date a…certain kind of girl…the really beautiful kind

Sam

You know when horses make poop? My grandmother calls it pucky.

Eddie

So?

Sam

Everything you’ve just said, I’m pretty sure is horse pucky. And Janet? I think she is the beautiful kind.

Eddie

Hey Janet, can I get a beer?

Janet

You know this whole you and me going to the homecoming game? It's a bad idea. It's not going to work. Cause here's the thing. I'm not taxes. I'm not the dentist. I'm not something you get out of the way.

Eddie

What?

Janet

I'm also not like the other girls you've been with. I'm not a cute cashier. I don't know how to make waffle cones. I'm not another stop along the Eddie Latekka conquest trail... I'm not perky like Susan. I don't know how to bat my eyes like Lottie and I definitely don't have double D cups like...

Eddie

You know what? You're not like the other girls I usually date. You're smart and funny and beautiful inside and out. And you're absolutely NOTHING like taxes.

Eddie

Excuse me.

Eddie

Where did you get this dog?

Janet

Monk McGillicuddy came into the bar last week with a litter of puppies.

Eddie

Monk McGillicuddy who set fire to the church our senior year of high school.

Janet

Um, I guess. Why?

Eddie

No reason except that this is not a puppy.

Janet

What do you mean it’s not a puppy?

Eddie

It’s a wolf.

Janet

What do you mean it’s a wolf?

Eddie

I mean it’s a wolf.

Janet

I got you a wolf?

Eddie

Yeah, you got me a wolf. I was gonna get you a leopard, but they were fresh out.

Eddie

[At seeing Phil naked] Whoa!

Nick

What's... goin' on Phil?

Physical Phil

Hey Guys! Just cataloging my CDs.

Nick

Yeah, that's not what I'm talkin' about.

Physical Phil

Oh, Pizza Girl had to sketch a nude for her drawing class. I was her model. And then, when we were done, it occurred to me, I wasn't really in the need to put my clothes back on.

Eddie

Why not?

Physical Phil

Oh, because sometimes I feel trapped in here. But without my clothes... [takes a step closer to the boys and they grow uncomfortable]

Eddie

Whoa, okay, so... you're just gonna be naked from now on?

Physical Phil

Not naked. Nude!

Eddie

Right.

Physical Phil

Naked implies, embarrassment and vulnerability, exposure...

Nick

Yeah.

Physical Phil

...Nude, does not. Nude implies 'the sun on my bum', the air on my snookle. Nude implies, free!

Eddie

[Pointing in opposite direction] I'm going over here.

Nick

I'll go with you.

Physical Phil

[Sees Eddie sitting naked on the couch] Whoa! Okay. What're you doing?

Eddie

Savoring every last bit of this hot peppers and steak.

Physical Phil

I mean why aren't you wearing any clothes?

Eddie

Well, you made such a fuss about the virtues of being set free I figured I'd give it a try. And you know what? It is really liberating! I may never wear clothes again either.

Physical Phil

But you can't... if, if I'm... Fine. Done. My days of nudism are over.

Eddie

What? Why?

Physical Phil

Aw, c'mon Eddie. We can't live like this. One guy naked it's charming, it's quirky! But two guys, it's... It's not something I'm comfortable with.

Eddie

[Triumphantly] I said it before and I'll say it again; Pizza Girl ain't the only one who delivers.

Eddie

Pack a bag.

Janet

What for?

Eddie

We're going to Rhode Island. I got tickets for Bye Bye Birdie, Providence. Figured me and Gramps can get some naptime in.