Andy Sipowicz quotes from NYPD Blue

The man who robbed me was just under six feet tall, 160 pounds, peaches and cream complexion and tousled, strawberry-blonde hair. No scars or distinguishing marks on his face or arms, but he does have a pierced scrotum. He, uh, wears a little gold ball there.

Sipowicz

You got a good look?

Oh, yes. From all angles.

I've heard rumblings. Very preliminary. A colleague didn't have the item yet, but he'd been approached. He wanted to know a ballpark worth.

Sipowicz

Yeah, what would that be?

Twenty-five.

Sipowicz

Thousand?

You think that's inflated? When a matchbook John Lennon wrote "screw you" on brings in fifteen?

Well, I get my oscar back and lecture on free will

Sipowicz

That's why this is a great police department.

Hey, I'm askin' for a lawyer now.

Sipowicz

You want me to go out on the street and hail one down for you?

Hey, Kelly! You wanna sit on a butt like cottage cheese, be my guest. Meanwhile, I'll be sittin' on this. [Larson smacks his rear and walks off toward the locker room, while a surprised Lt. Fancy walks in]

Sipowicz

You gotta admit, Lieutentant... the guy's got a hell of a muscular ass.

Uh, I am having it analyzed in a laboratory. Once I've ascertained its legitimacy, I will involve the proper authorities.

Andy

Yeah, well while you're ascertaining on that, why don't you tell me where I can find this psychic woman so I can ascertain on her.

Remember: G.R.I.P. Growth. Resolution. Intention. Purpose.

Andy

[mutters] Yeah. Grip this.

[opening lines]

Oh, Andy. Bobby Simone. Good to meet you.

Andy

Uh... yeah.

Andy

Hey, Lieutenant. It's no good. It's not gonna work out. I just met this new guy.

Simone?

Andy

Yeah. It's not gonna work out.

What happened?

Andy

Don't get me started. His attitude is all wrong. "How you doing?" That type of thing.

He asked you how you are doing?

Andy

Yeah. I can't... it's not going to work out.

Andy

Hey, how's it going?

Sylvia

I was just seeing Abruzzo. Is that the new detective?

Andy

[nods] Simone, what kind of name is that?

Sylvia

First or last?

Andy

If it was his first, he'd be a girl.

Sylvia

Last name... Simone, sounds French to me.

Andy

Yeah, maybe.

[into a phone] Hey, I went through a lot of trouble getting that red cock. I don't want to argue with you! You tell Billy that he can't come around my place anymore with his blue-barred cock! Okay... thanks.

I breed birds. Racing pigeons.

Sylvia

[to Sipowicz] Tell him you keep fish.

Andy

Assistant D.A. Costas, this is Detective Simone.

How do you do?

Sylvia

How do you do.

Andy

[to Simone] They gave you that address?

Yeah, she's working Seventh Avenue.

Sylvia

[to Simone] Must be interesting raising pigeons.

It's a lot of fun, gets you outdoors.

Sylvia

You guys and your hobbies.

[Sees Andy in uniform at the crime scene and holds up his badge] All right, step aside! Homicide!

Sgt. Andy Sipowicz

How long you been waiting to say that to me?

First thing I thought of when I woke up.

Andy

Whaddya got?

I'm about to write this guy up for being double-parked. When he comes out of the building he starts in on me. I gave him his warning, I told him he was gettin' outta line; when he wouldn't stop I put the cuffs on him.

When I get my turn?

Andy

I'll be right with you. [to Akins] He put his hands on you?

I think it was headed in that direction.

Andy

But it hadn't happened.

No.

Andy

Alright, what's your story?

I work for the medical lab. I come here every day to pick up the blood samples from the doctor's offices. It takes me thirty seconds. I walk in, I grab the box, and I walk out.

Andy

What'd you say to the officer?

I said "I'm tryin' to make a livin'."

Andy

That's it?

I tried to show the man respect when I first came out. I told 'im! I got over thirty stops to make, there's no place to park! I don't leave my car but for a minute! But he don't listen. He says, "It's too late." That's when I got mad.

Andy

Alright, step back for a second. [goes back over to Akins] That true what he said?

Pretty much.

Andy

What do you wanna do here?

What do you mean?

Andy

I mean do you want to create a situation? This is a workin' man. He's not stickin' nobody up. You're gonna cost him two days' wages with that ticket, and then when he gets mad you're gonna collar 'im?

Well, what should I have done?

Andy

You see him go inside, you wait. If he's in there for a while, then you write 'im up. If he comes right back out again, you talk to 'im. Tell 'im you're tryin' to keep traffic movin'. If he's a right guy, you be a right guy.

About how long do I wait while he's in the building?

Andy

[considers] Five minutes.

Sorry.

Andy

It's the kinda thing you get a feel for after a while.

What do I do now?

Andy

Give me his summons. [Akins hands it over] Now go over there, take the cuffs of 'im, tell 'im to have a nice day.