NCIS · Season 9
Ziva, sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons.
People always think the wrong reasons are right. Especially parents.
Well, they've got perspective.
Parents still make mistakes.
Yeah.
My mother never told me what kind of man my father was. Perhaps she thought I was not strong enough to handle it.
Nah, she's just being a mother.
How do you know?
Perspective.
Are you lonely, Gibbs?
You're never alone when you have kids. [kisses Ziva's forehead] 'Night, kid.
Doesn't he know they do not take the trash out on weekends?! Why does he order the same stinky take-out from the same stinky place?!
Because it's the only place open on Saturday at 2am.
He's working weekends. Did he call you guys over the weekend too?
Twice.
About work that we could've done today.
Yeah!
Isn't 16 hours a day enough for him? Don't get me wrong. I love my work. I'm just not married to it you know.
Wait. I think I have a solution!
What? A pet for Gibbs? A new hobby?
A new woman.
[While Tony is speaking, CGIS agent Abigail Borin walks in]
That is the last thing he needs. Grab your gear!
I think Gibbs and Borin make a great couple. Just think of all the fun they'd have giving each other head slaps.
Head slaps are not very romantic Tony.
They can be. In the right context.
[...]
Ducky, what do you think? Gibbs and Borin, date mate material?
Given their combined work ethics, they'd probably never see each other. Which could be a recipe for the world's shortest courtship or extreme longevity.
So nobody's with me on Team Bibbs?
[walks in] No.
We can change the name.
I should change the subject DiNozzo.
At least let him grill you a steak in his fireplace while watching black-and-white television. [Borin laughs] It's more charming than you think.
I'll pass.
Tony, don't take this the wrong way but you smell like the hot cheerleader in my high school homeroom.
That White Diamond DiNozzo?
Farid spilled his laundry detergent all over the place. I got some on my pants...
[...]
[Borin is wiping Tony's bum]
Let me call Abby and see if she's got something to remove that.
[Vance suddenly walks in to everyone's surprise]
Special Agents Borin and DiNozzo, please stop doing whatever it is you're doing.
We were just..er..reexamining the very special bond between the Navy and the Coast Guard, sir.
Is it possible we've done something right for Gibbs? What if it upsets the space-time continuum and sends the earth hurtling towards the sun?
[Gibbs walks to his desk]
Boss, we found the perfect woman for you and we would like you to ask her out.
Who? [points to screen] Dusty? Nice lady. Great cook.
[stares at Gibbs] Did you read that on the screen?
No. I dated her.
So what was wrong with her, Boss?
Nothing. She's perfect.
Perfect. What happened?
There's nothing more boring than perfect. [laughs, they all stare at him]
Ugh.
You know it's too early when there's no one even here to make coffee.
Does that mean you made some?
Oh yeah, and I made some nice muffins too. Get 'em while they're piping hot.
You should have got some on the way in.
Who had the time? I got the pre-dawn wake-up call after a 2:00 A.M. night, no less.
Anyone know what's up?
Oh hey, Timmy. Yeah, Gibbs wants to get a jump on Jimmy's bridal registry. Ziva's thinking his and hers salad tongs.
At the moment I can think of nothing but coffee.
The victim is a naval reservist. Lieutenant Jason Simms, 44, from Fairfax. Witnesses say he was swerving all over the road, clearly drunk, pulled off onto the shoulder over there.
Did you get a time?
A little over three hours ago.
Tony? [holds man's wristwatch up so Tony can take a photograph] 4:19 to be precise. The truck tapped his wrist, apparently.
Being drunk is one thing, but why would he have crossed the road?
Suppressing chicken joke in three, two --
[speaks to woman delivering office mail] Hey there, Jen. You know, you are doing a great job. Keep it up you'll be a special agent in no time.
A little young, Tony.
Ease up, Nanny McPheeble. I'm just giving the kid a little vote of confidence.
Yeah, McGee. If Tony was flirting he would be complimenting her blouse, not her work ethic.
See? Ziva knows.
What we just witnessed here was a pathetic attempt to cultivate new sources for office gossip.
That is completely unfair!
Life isn't fair, DiNozzo. That's why we're here.
What is going on?
I found fifteen hairs in my shower drain this morning. I tell you this because you're my friends and I need you. For twelve years, every morning I have counted the hairs in my drain and there have never been more than five. Never more than five. Never!
Every day?
For the last twelve years?
You say that like it's not normal.
Well that is because it's not normal.
What's not normal is a man of my vim and vigor going bald!
Well, bald can be sexy.
Sure, if you're Connery or Nicholson. Would you date a bald man?
I have dated men with thinning hair, yes.
Haha! Thinning hair, but not -- [makes squeaky noise] -- Baldy McBald. Hi, Special Agent Baldy McBald, want to go to Mount Baldy this weekend to do bald things? Bald!!
You two are being ridiculous. Everyone's hair thins. It's barely noticeable! It's not like you're going gray. [realizes Gibbs is standing behind her]
I'm so glad that wasn't me.
[to Gibbs] Gray can be sexy. [watches as Gibbs walks away to answer his phone and shoots Tony a dirty look]
[whispers] Lucky.
Would you tell Tobias that I never meant to hurt him?
Oh yeah. He knows. I think.
I really liked him, but I never should have married him. I didn't love him. Just like you never loved me.
I liked you. I still do.
But the only woman you'll ever love is Shannon. You were my Shannon, Leroy. [walks away]
I'm not sure how to say this...
I do. Look, we are not your personal buddy-cop investigative service.
No, you're just my ex-husbands. And I need your help.
[Gibbs, Fornell and Diane are in the NCIS headquarters conference room]
Victor and I have a good relationship.
[Gibbs quietly smirks to himself]
He knows how to treat a woman. [Fornell looks at Gibbs] He's not afraid to show emotion like some people.
[sarcastically to Gibbs] She talking about us?
He's not some immature child that relates better to guns than to people...
[hands up] Okay, okay. We get it.
[...]
[Gibbs pauses the conversation and swings open the door to reveal a stunned Tony, Ziva and McGee eavesdropping]
Mrs. Sterling, I'm Director Vance. Rest assured my agents are doing everything possible to find your husband.
Thank you. Just make sure they keep me informed, too. [indicating McGee] Wasn't any fun trying to pry information out of Macaulay Culkin here.
[Gibbs and Fornell are interrogating Victor Sterling when Diane barges in]
[relieved] Diane, I am so glad to see you!
[angrily] You get the hell away from me! $2 million and I've been worrying about how to pay the mortgage?!
[Victor looks to Gibbs and Fornell for help]
You're on your own.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
