Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Over a shot of an airplane landing, in the midst of a soundtrack that consists mostly of blaring horns...]
Mike [as Narrator]: Here, we're flying in another trumpet section.
Mike [as Narrator]: Here, we're flying in another trumpet section.
[Over a shot of cash being given to an anonymous hand]
Crow: Here, money is exchanged for coconuts.
Crow: Here, money is exchanged for coconuts.
[Over a shot of chickens eating]
Servo [as chicken]: Heavens, I'm so fat. I just look at chicken feed and I gain weight.
Crow [as chicken]: Does this taste funny to you?
Servo [as chicken]: Heavens, I'm so fat. I just look at chicken feed and I gain weight.
Crow [as chicken]: Does this taste funny to you?
[Over a shot of man watching security cameras in a control booth]
Crow: (in a snooty British accent) You're watching Brian Television: All Brian, all the time.
[On the rightmost monitor, we see the group of men walking into vision]
Mike: In an underground bunker, the Major League owners plot strategies.
Servo [as watcher]: Why can't I get the Red Shoe Diaries?
Crow: (in a snooty British accent) You're watching Brian Television: All Brian, all the time.
[On the rightmost monitor, we see the group of men walking into vision]
Mike: In an underground bunker, the Major League owners plot strategies.
Servo [as watcher]: Why can't I get the Red Shoe Diaries?
[Over a shot of the mountain...]
Narrator: To get to the top... a man needs an airplane.
Crow [as Narrator]: Or a giant pogo stick.
Narrator: Jump from a plane, land at the top.
Mike [as Narrator]: Or a helicopter would do. Did I say "Flag on the moon" yet?
Narrator: To get to the top... a man needs an airplane.
Crow [as Narrator]: Or a giant pogo stick.
Narrator: Jump from a plane, land at the top.
Mike [as Narrator]: Or a helicopter would do. Did I say "Flag on the moon" yet?
[Over a wide shot of the living room]
Mike: They live in a doll house!
Crow: You know, they should fire Grandma as their decorator.
Mike: They live in a doll house!
Crow: You know, they should fire Grandma as their decorator.
[Over drinks, scientist Tom Anderson (Lee Van Cleef) explains the global power shortage to his friend and fellow scientist Paul Nelson.]
Paul Nelson: I'm sorry, Tom -- I can't bring myself to believe what you're saying.
Servo [as Tom Anderson]: Then gimme back my cocktail.
Tom Anderson: It's nothing new. It's been years since anyone's believed me.
Crow [as Tom Anderson]: Bitter? Oh, a tad.
. . .
[As their wives listen, Dr. Anderson explains to Dr. Nelson about his connection to the alien behind the shortage.]
Joan Nelson: A personal friend of yours?
Servo [as Joan]: Name dropper!
Claire Anderson: [sarcastically] Real chums.
Tom Anderson: The days when people made fun of me are over, girl.
Crow [as Dr. Anderson/Zod]: You will bow down before me!
Paul Nelson: I'm sorry, Tom -- I can't bring myself to believe what you're saying.
Servo [as Tom Anderson]: Then gimme back my cocktail.
Tom Anderson: It's nothing new. It's been years since anyone's believed me.
Crow [as Tom Anderson]: Bitter? Oh, a tad.
. . .
[As their wives listen, Dr. Anderson explains to Dr. Nelson about his connection to the alien behind the shortage.]
Joan Nelson: A personal friend of yours?
Servo [as Joan]: Name dropper!
Claire Anderson: [sarcastically] Real chums.
Tom Anderson: The days when people made fun of me are over, girl.
Crow [as Dr. Anderson/Zod]: You will bow down before me!
[Over footage of an atomic bomb test]
Crow: Grandpa tried to use the microwave again.
Mike: Pat Buchanan's first day as President.
Crow: Grandpa tried to use the microwave again.
Mike: Pat Buchanan's first day as President.
[Over several establishing shots of the run-down part of town, the sound of a car engine trying and failing to turn over is heard.]
Crow: Uh-oh, the town's alternator is shot.
Crow: Uh-oh, the town's alternator is shot.
[Over the "Additional Dialogue by" credit]
Mike: What is "additional dialogue", anyway?
Crow: Oh, things like "Hey you!", "Get off that!", and "Why not?"
Mike: What is "additional dialogue", anyway?
Crow: Oh, things like "Hey you!", "Get off that!", and "Why not?"
[Over the "The End" card]
Joel: Ah, my favorite part of the circus.
The Day the Earth Froze (movie)
Joel: Ah, my favorite part of the circus.
The Day the Earth Froze (movie)
[Over the "The End" card]
Mike: The end... for Johnny at least, you poor dope!
The Wild Wild World of Batwoman (movie)
Mike: The end... for Johnny at least, you poor dope!
The Wild Wild World of Batwoman (movie)