Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Our heroes discuss the film's title.]
Servo: Oh, I'm glad they said "Danger!", or I might have thought it was just a normal death ray.
Mike: There's a dangerous death ray situation on outbound 94, you might want to take an alternate route.
Servo: Oh, I'm glad they said "Danger!", or I might have thought it was just a normal death ray.
Mike: There's a dangerous death ray situation on outbound 94, you might want to take an alternate route.
[Our heroes have landed safely on the Moon.]
Dr. Hamid: Allah be praised!
Dr. Orlov: Praise the ship, not Allah.
Servo [as Hamid]: I'll praise whoever I want, white boy.
Season 6
Dr. Hamid: Allah be praised!
Dr. Orlov: Praise the ship, not Allah.
Servo [as Hamid]: I'll praise whoever I want, white boy.
Season 6
[Our narrator, Police Lt. Chasen, wonders who could possibly believe a dead man could come back to life.]
Joel: Only millions of Christians.
Joel: Only millions of Christians.
[Outside a bar, a scruffy motorcycle gang with skulls-and-crossbones on their jackets dismount and enter.]
Joel: Hey, those guys are marked clearly as poison. Don't eat 'em. Hmm.
Servo: If you take these bikers internally, do not induce vomiting.
Crow: Nah, the movie'll do that for you. Like an ipecac.
Joel: An epa-- oh, that Genesis album?
Joel: Hey, those guys are marked clearly as poison. Don't eat 'em. Hmm.
Servo: If you take these bikers internally, do not induce vomiting.
Crow: Nah, the movie'll do that for you. Like an ipecac.
Joel: An epa-- oh, that Genesis album?
[Outside the cave, the kids stare at a shaft of light descending from the sky.]
Crow [as Bud]: [mesmerized] Yes -- I will take money from my dad's wallet and send it to Soupy Sales.
Crow [as Bud]: [mesmerized] Yes -- I will take money from my dad's wallet and send it to Soupy Sales.
[over a closeup of the Creeper's face]
Crow: Hey fella, why the long face?
Mike: Now, come on...
Crow: [laughing] I'm sorry, I couldn't...
Mike: I begged you not to do that!
Crow: I know...
Servo: That hurts.
Crow: Hey fella, why the long face?
Mike: Now, come on...
Crow: [laughing] I'm sorry, I couldn't...
Mike: I begged you not to do that!
Crow: I know...
Servo: That hurts.
[Over a dedication in the opening credits]
Crow: Dedicated to the chickens who lost their lives in the great chicken war.
Mike: Wait a minute! Men and women breeding better poultry? What kind of sick experiment is this?
Crow: Dedicated to the chickens who lost their lives in the great chicken war.
Mike: Wait a minute! Men and women breeding better poultry? What kind of sick experiment is this?
[Over a group of chickens in the henhouse]
Crow [as chicken]: Open your hymnals to number 325.
. . .
Tom [as chicken]: Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!
Crow [as chicken]: Open your hymnals to number 325.
. . .
Tom [as chicken]: Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!
[Over a pristine shot of Hawaiian beach...]
Crow: Well, this is a very nice place, I can see why families would want to--
[A man suddenly pops his head up into frame and starts singing.]
Mike, Servo, & Crow: AAAAAAAAH!
Crow: Well, this is a very nice place, I can see why families would want to--
[A man suddenly pops his head up into frame and starts singing.]
Mike, Servo, & Crow: AAAAAAAAH!
[Over a scenic shot of a mountain]
Crow: Mount Rushmore!...Before it was built.
Crow: Mount Rushmore!...Before it was built.
[Over a seemingly endless sequence of the giant bikini-clad teens dancing in slow-motion]
Crow: You know, I'm starting to suspect this might be padding.
Servo: Oh, no, no...
Mike: No, that's real.
Crow: You know, I'm starting to suspect this might be padding.
Servo: Oh, no, no...
Mike: No, that's real.
[Over a shot of a car driving through the desert]
Crow [as Narrator]: The beast put a hundred down and bought an old Studebaker.
Crow [as Narrator]: The beast put a hundred down and bought an old Studebaker.
[Over a shot of a dress store]:
Crow: It's Frederick's of Maplewood.
Joel [as Announcer]: The Loretta Young Show!
[Crow imitiates an audience roaring while Servo imitates the theme]
Crow: It's Frederick's of Maplewood.
Joel [as Announcer]: The Loretta Young Show!
[Crow imitiates an audience roaring while Servo imitates the theme]
[Over a shot of a group of men walking down a hallway]
Mike: They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.
Mike: They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.