Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Glen Manning runs to rescue a pilot who crashed near an imminent nuclear bomb test. Joel and the bots pretend to be voices in Glen's head.]
Servo: [in Irish accent] Glen, this is your Father O'Malley. Come back, boy! It's not worth it!
Crow: [in old lady voice] Glen, this is your 1st-grade teacher. Don't do it.
Joel: Glen, this is your mother. If you stop, I'll make your favorite dish.
Servo: [in Irish accent] Glen, this is your Father O'Malley. Come back, boy! It's not worth it!
Crow: [in old lady voice] Glen, this is your 1st-grade teacher. Don't do it.
Joel: Glen, this is your mother. If you stop, I'll make your favorite dish.
[Godzilla slowly lifts Megalon by his tail high into the air.]
Servo [as Sportscaster]: Godzilla is either breaking the laws of physics, or he's throwing around an empty rubber suit!
Servo [as Sportscaster]: Godzilla is either breaking the laws of physics, or he's throwing around an empty rubber suit!
[Godzilla, slumbering peacefully after a rampage, is attacked by a giant red bird.]
Crow [as Godzilla]: Hey! Whadda ya think I am, Tippi Hedren? Get outta here!
Crow [as Godzilla]: Hey! Whadda ya think I am, Tippi Hedren? Get outta here!
[Gorgo is seen terrorizing a small Irish village.]
Mike: Poor Irish--if they aren't being invaded by Cromwell or infested by leprechauns they've got this guy!
Mike: Poor Irish--if they aren't being invaded by Cromwell or infested by leprechauns they've got this guy!
[Gorgo's mother Ogra begins rampaging through London.]
Servo: Maybe Mary Poppins flies in and kicks his ass?
Mike: That I'd pay to see.
Servo: Maybe Mary Poppins flies in and kicks his ass?
Mike: That I'd pay to see.
[Goro attempts to control Jet Jaguar using his control medallion.]
Goro: [Into medallion] Jet Jaguar! Let's go home!
[Jet Jaguar nods and turns to leave]
Crow [as Jet Jaguar]: Yeah, sure, you control me... right... I'll be home crushing your house!
Goro: [Into medallion] Jet Jaguar! Let's go home!
[Jet Jaguar nods and turns to leave]
Crow [as Jet Jaguar]: Yeah, sure, you control me... right... I'll be home crushing your house!
[Goro, Jinkawa, and Rok-san return to the laboratory.]
Jinkawa: [to Goro] Hey, it would be funny if the earthquake destroyed your robot!
Joel [as Goro]: Yeah, it would be funny if the earthquake killed your FAMILY!
Jinkawa: [to Goro] Hey, it would be funny if the earthquake destroyed your robot!
Joel [as Goro]: Yeah, it would be funny if the earthquake killed your FAMILY!
[Government official Wilson discusses Texas Ranger Geronimo's mission to extradite murderer Palmero to Italy.]
Wilson: Ah, you see, Mr. Palermo's been a major source of embarrassment to the Italian Government.
Mike [as Wilson]: That's hard to do!
Wilson: Ah, you see, Mr. Palermo's been a major source of embarrassment to the Italian Government.
Mike [as Wilson]: That's hard to do!
[Grandpa has just finished telling his grandson the awful Merlin story that he wrote for TV]
Crow [as Grandpa]: I have another script called Chinatown, but I don't like it as much.
Crow [as Grandpa]: I have another script called Chinatown, but I don't like it as much.
[Griffin (played by Coleman Francis) and the rest of the Cuban invasion force are captured by Castro's forces.]
Mike [as Cuban Soldier]: The Yankees will pay highly for you, Se�or Francis.
Mike [as Cuban Soldier]: The Yankees will pay highly for you, Se�or Francis.
[Gumbo flies through the air and lands, legs spread, on the roof of the neighboring house.]
Mike [as Gumbo]: Thank goodness for the internal genitalia!
Mike [as Gumbo]: Thank goodness for the internal genitalia!
[Gumby's dad Gumbo arrives at the house, where we see a cloud -- actually, a piece of white fluff -- stuck on the construction-paper sky.]
Crow [as Weatherman]: It's a fair to partly-cottony day��
Crow [as Weatherman]: It's a fair to partly-cottony day��
[Gumby's stacked mother gives a stern look at a robot who's invaded the house.]
Crow [as Gumby's Mother]: That squares my breasts!
Crow [as Gumby's Mother]: That squares my breasts!
[Gypsy makes a rare theater apperance during the beginning of this episode. The movie features a scene with some "good-natured brawling" going on between a large group of men.]
Gypsy: Hey, stop fighting! Everybody stop fighting!
Joel: [trying to hide his amusement] Um, it's...it's okay, Gypsy. It's just a movie.
Gypsy: [catching herself] Oh?...Oh! Sorry, sorry...
Gypsy: Hey, stop fighting! Everybody stop fighting!
Joel: [trying to hide his amusement] Um, it's...it's okay, Gypsy. It's just a movie.
Gypsy: [catching herself] Oh?...Oh! Sorry, sorry...
[Hamlet and Laertes prepare to fence.]
Hamlet: Give us the foils.
Servo [as Hamlet]: We shall some potatoes bake.
Hamlet: Give us the foils.
Servo [as Hamlet]: We shall some potatoes bake.