Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Gary looks around the island when the crew first lands on the shore]
Crow [as Gary]: I see a tall Spaniard in a white suit with a midget!
Crow [as Gary]: I see a tall Spaniard in a white suit with a midget!
[General Perry is helping himself to the Nelsons' leftovers in their kitchen.]
Mike: This man is a brilliant tactician.
Mike: This man is a brilliant tactician.
[General Watkins answers his phone.]
General: Hello?
Joel [as voice on other end]: Hello, are you wearing rubber underwear?
General: Yes!
General: Hello?
Joel [as voice on other end]: Hello, are you wearing rubber underwear?
General: Yes!
[Genius (played by a young Ron Howard) proudly shows off the mixture he's working on, then returns to the basement to perfect it.]
Mike: I hope that blows up in his face so I don't have to see Willow.
Crow: Hey, I liked Willow!
Mike: I hope that blows up in his face so I don't have to see Willow.
Crow: Hey, I liked Willow!
[Genius mixes various chemicals, trying to create more "goo".]
Mike: Look at him, the little kid, plotting against us with Willow.
Crow: [indignantly] I liked Willow!
Mike: Kevin Pollak? You liked that?
Mike: Look at him, the little kid, plotting against us with Willow.
Crow: [indignantly] I liked Willow!
Mike: Kevin Pollak? You liked that?
[Genius pours beaker contents, resulting in an explosion of red goop which splatters on his face.]
Servo: He blew his hand off!
Crow [as Magnus Pyke]: I blinded me with science!
Servo: He blew his hand off!
Crow [as Magnus Pyke]: I blinded me with science!
[George fights a two-headed dragon.]
Joel: Lighten up, they're just puppets!
Crow: Hey...
Joel: Sorry.
Joel: Lighten up, they're just puppets!
Crow: Hey...
Joel: Sorry.
[George taps a fellow knight with his sword.]
Crow: I dub you Sir Moron. Come on, dummy.
Crow: I dub you Sir Moron. Come on, dummy.
[Georgia catches Gary making out with one of the girls]
Georgia: Gary!
Crow [as Georgia]: Your infidelity mildly irritates me!
Gary: This damned heat. I don't know what I'm doing anymore!
Servo [as Gary]: Sure I was unfaithful, but it was like 87 degrees!
Crow [as Gary]: It's pretty windy too! And high humidity!
Georgia: Gary!
Crow [as Georgia]: Your infidelity mildly irritates me!
Gary: This damned heat. I don't know what I'm doing anymore!
Servo [as Gary]: Sure I was unfaithful, but it was like 87 degrees!
Crow [as Gary]: It's pretty windy too! And high humidity!
[Geri introduces Mick to her family.]
Geri: Mick got off the bus and fell in the swamp! He's soaked clean through, even his suitcases.
Mama Sanders: Well... well, you can give him some of Daddy's old clothes. They're upstairs in the trunk in the storage room.
Servo [as Mama Sanders]: ... along with Daddy.
Geri: Mick got off the bus and fell in the swamp! He's soaked clean through, even his suitcases.
Mama Sanders: Well... well, you can give him some of Daddy's old clothes. They're upstairs in the trunk in the storage room.
Servo [as Mama Sanders]: ... along with Daddy.
[Geri wants to help Nick fetch some plywood for the windows.]
Mick: No, no, no -- you stay here. Your mother looks like she's about to crack. I'll be back before it gets dark.
Servo [as Geri]: Mom cracked in 1953.
Mick: No, no, no -- you stay here. Your mother looks like she's about to crack. I'll be back before it gets dark.
Servo [as Geri]: Mom cracked in 1953.
[Geri's car bounces quite violently on a pothole]
Servo [as Coily]: Noooo springs!
Servo [as Coily]: Noooo springs!
[German dancer and former Vorelli assistant Mercedes tells the two reporters about the original Hugo]
Mercedes: He did not move for t'ree months -- just lay there and...looked at the ceiling. Then...he died. He died.
Mike [as Mark]: Did he live?
Mercedes: He did not move for t'ree months -- just lay there and...looked at the ceiling. Then...he died. He died.
Mike [as Mark]: Did he live?
[Geronimo has challened a villian to a duel in a rainstorm. Cut to close-up of his rain-dripping hand.]
Servo: Ugh, he's sweating palm kernel oil!
Servo: Ugh, he's sweating palm kernel oil!
[Gilbert finally finishes lecturing his friends on springs as he pulls up to Joe's house.]
Gilbert: Hey, Joe! Wake up!
Crow [as Gilbert]: It's Coily's army of darkness! Look!
. . .
Joe: You and your springs! I hope I never see another--
Gilbert: Stop! Don't say it! Don't ever wish anything like that as long as you live!
[Gilbert looks down to see Coily the Spring Sprite materialize on his car seat. Coily cackles.]
Servo [as Coily]: You'll be the first to die!
Gilbert: Hey, Joe! Wake up!
Crow [as Gilbert]: It's Coily's army of darkness! Look!
. . .
Joe: You and your springs! I hope I never see another--
Gilbert: Stop! Don't say it! Don't ever wish anything like that as long as you live!
[Gilbert looks down to see Coily the Spring Sprite materialize on his car seat. Coily cackles.]
Servo [as Coily]: You'll be the first to die!