Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Fingal has successfully been allowed to redistribute finance.]
Fingal: Genius. Pure Genius.
Crow: ...couldn't save this film.
. . .
[At the Fat Man's office, cards begin flying out of nowhere.]
Servo [as Fat Man]: I'm farting Monopoly cards!
Mike: Well, they're all getting credits where credits are due. [chuckles] Sorry.
Fingal: Genius. Pure Genius.
Crow: ...couldn't save this film.
. . .
[At the Fat Man's office, cards begin flying out of nowhere.]
Servo [as Fat Man]: I'm farting Monopoly cards!
Mike: Well, they're all getting credits where credits are due. [chuckles] Sorry.
[Fingal is talking to Pierre, a Peter Lorre lookalike.]
Mike: It's Asian Pee-Wee.
. . .
Crow: Who's he trying to do? Jimmy Stewart? Uh, James Cagney. No, no, no, wait... John Kenneth Gaulbraith. No, no, no, Ram Jazz. Uh, Terry "Hulk" Hogan, maybe...
Mike: It's Asian Pee-Wee.
. . .
Crow: Who's he trying to do? Jimmy Stewart? Uh, James Cagney. No, no, no, wait... John Kenneth Gaulbraith. No, no, no, Ram Jazz. Uh, Terry "Hulk" Hogan, maybe...
[Fingal is trying to write a computer program while in the computer.]
Computer: What is your access code?
Crow: Where do you want to go today? All over this movie, that's where I want to go.
Computer: Invalid access. Quit or retry?
Servo: I'll take "Quit" for 25, Alex.
Computer: What is your access code?
Crow: Where do you want to go today? All over this movie, that's where I want to go.
Computer: Invalid access. Quit or retry?
Servo: I'll take "Quit" for 25, Alex.
[Fingal's identicube begins flahing red.]
Crow: Must be Christmas on the Borg ship.
Servo: [singing] See you on the dark side of Raul...
Crow: Must be Christmas on the Borg ship.
Servo: [singing] See you on the dark side of Raul...
[Fingal's identicube has destructed. Both Fingal and Rick are flying through a portal.]
Mike: Vertigo to hell.
. . .
Servo: You kidding? We'll have an electron sex party right now!
. . .
[Sim-Fingal flies by, arms open.]
Mike: I love you this much!
[Sim-Rick flies by, his hands in his pockets.]
Servo: I don't care for you!
Mike: Vertigo to hell.
. . .
Servo: You kidding? We'll have an electron sex party right now!
. . .
[Sim-Fingal flies by, arms open.]
Mike: I love you this much!
[Sim-Rick flies by, his hands in his pockets.]
Servo: I don't care for you!
[Fingal's mainframe tampering produces a snowfall inside the simulated NoviCorp building.]
Crow: The chairman's got really bad dandruff.
Mike: This is how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie.
. . .
Fingal: I'm not making this up!
Mike [as Fingal]: I'm not cleaning it up either!
Crow: The chairman's got really bad dandruff.
Mike: This is how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie.
. . .
Fingal: I'm not making this up!
Mike [as Fingal]: I'm not cleaning it up either!
[Fingal's sleeping body is silhouetted against his identicube.]
Crow: Doctor Who... the hell cares!
Mike: You know, isn't it weird how life imitates art, and I'm, like, sleeping right now, too?
Crow: Doctor Who... the hell cares!
Mike: You know, isn't it weird how life imitates art, and I'm, like, sleeping right now, too?
[First lines of the movie]
Man: Sheriff!
Sheriff [Played by Alan Hale, Jr.]: Hey, little buddy!
[Mike and the 'bots cheer]
Man: Sheriff!
Sheriff [Played by Alan Hale, Jr.]: Hey, little buddy!
[Mike and the 'bots cheer]
[Five minutes before the movie ends, music finally appears on the soundtrack]
Crow: Music?! Why here? Why now? WHY US?!
Crow: Music?! Why here? Why now? WHY US?!
[Flavia hears a noise outside the window.]
Flavia: What's that?
Crow: Eh, it's just those trade rats working the night shift.
Flavia: What's that?
Crow: Eh, it's just those trade rats working the night shift.
[Frank arrives at the farm and sees Patrolman Hal]
Frank: [Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
Crow [as patrolman]: Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
Frank: [Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
Crow [as patrolman]: Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
[from a high-angle shot, the main character throws a harpoon and clearly hits nothing, but the puppet dinosaur keels over]
Crow [as Daniel Bernhardt]: So when you edit this, it's going to look like I hit him, right?
Crow [as Daniel Bernhardt]: So when you edit this, it's going to look like I hit him, right?
[From the SOL version of "The Gamera Song"��]
Joel, Crow, Servo: Gamera! / Gamera! / Gamera is really neat! / Gamera is filled with meat! / We've been eating Gamera!
Joel, Crow, Servo: Gamera! / Gamera! / Gamera is really neat! / Gamera is filled with meat! / We've been eating Gamera!
[Gamera's beady eyes watch Kenny as he flees from the rocky sea cliff.]
Crow [as Gamera]: Those kids at school -- they tease you, Kenny. Because they['ve] never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables!
Crow [as Gamera]: Those kids at school -- they tease you, Kenny. Because they['ve] never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables!
[Gaos chows down on a hapless reporter.]
Crow: Welcome to this week's edition of Eat the Press.
Crow: Welcome to this week's edition of Eat the Press.