[Crow continues his Lugosi monologue about the actors as the credits list the remaining players.]
Crow [as Bela Lugosi]: I forget who did what here. I say, "Shoot the picture! Let God sort it out."
Jungle Goddess (movie)

[Crow records a video-testimony for Mike's trial]
Crow: This thing on? Okay. Hi! I'm Crow T. Robot and I'm here to tell you that Mike Nelson is innocent. Mike Nelson is 200 % [bleep]ing not guilty. And if you [bleep]s don't [bleep] find him innocent, then you can just [bleep]ing kiss my fat [bleep]ing [bleep]. And that [bleep]ing goes for your bull[bleep] court system, too! Mike, I'm so [bleep]ing sorry I couldn't [bleep]ing be there for this [bleep]ing [bleep]y really bogus trial, man. But let me [bleep] tell ya something, Nelson. If I was there, I'd [bleep]ing kick everyone's fat stupid [bleep]ing behinds and then cram it up their [bleep]ing [bleep]. Anyway, Mike, buddy, I hope this [bleep] helps. Take care, Mike.

[Cut to a single, long irrigation ditch in a grove.]
Narrator: A complicated system of irrigation is used.
Joel: Oh, real complicated.

[Dan is trying to find out if the stones he found are diamonds]
Ev: Diamonds are supposed to cut glass.
Crow: Yeah, they're supposed to, but they're too damn lazy!
Dan: [walks toward window]
Servo: Too bad all their windows are made of plastic wrap and duct tape!
[Dan scratches a crude "$" into the window]
Crow [as Dan]: ...Aryan...Nation...rules...
Dan: [excited] Will you look at that!?
Mike [as Dan]: [excited] I made a [sic] "R"!

[Dan walks out of his "lady friend" Olga's house before she stops him.]
Olga: Wait, you forgot your back brace.
[Mike and the 'bots all react with utter revulsion as Kester drops his pants, exposing red long underwear.]
Mike: Ugh, he's pink!
Servo: I don't know how, but I think I just became sterile!
Crow: [cheering] Go spiders! Go spiders! Go go spiders!

[Danielle de Barbarac makes a grand entrance to the ball, her face dusted with white greasepaint and sparkles.]
Mike [as Danielle]: I sneezed in my cocaine.
Halloween: H2O

[Danny is telling a long, shaggy-dog story about a giant and Ferdinand the bull to keep Dr. Conway's dim-witted servant Lobo occupied.]
Joel: His story has a better plot than this movie...

[Daphne and Nick step out of his van after having conspicuous sex in it.]
Servo: Ugh! They made love in their Chevy van and that is not alright with me!

[Daughter is still arranging the flowers while the family sits down.]
Narrator: Brother seats Junior...
Crow [as Narrator]: Daughter obsesses with the flowers.
Narrator: ...then helps Mother to her chair, as he would his best girl.
Mike [as Narrator]: The less said about this, the better.
. . .
Crow [as Narrator]: Junior seats Dad, and Sister seats the dog, and the dog...

[Dave hears something.]
Dave: Steve?
Mike: Not everyone is Steve!

[Dave is fiddling with the radio as Donna watches.]
Dave: Will you go out and ask Steve to come in here a minute?
Tom Servo [as Donna]: Okay. STEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!
Mike [as Dave]: I could have done that...

[Dave Ryder shakes hands with Lea's father, Cmdr. Jansen]
Mike: We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese.

[Davey the obnoxious teenager has just landed after stealing a light plane, talked down by Pernell Roberts.]
Crow [as Pernell]: Davey, let me introduce you to these federal agents. They are what you young people call "bad asses."

[David comes home to find his TV is on and his living room is a mess; the sounds of a Looney Tunes cartoon blare from the TV.]
Mike: Carl Stalling's in his house!
[Angle on the TV reveals that it's the Sylvester cartoon Canned Feud.]
Crow: Hey, something good!
Servo: All right!
. . .
Mike [as David]: Oh, that's right, I rented the spare room to Elmer Fudd.

[David is attempting to escape from a crack in the earth created by the evil toy monkey.]
David: God help me!
Servo [as God]: Sorry, Unitarian. According to you, I'm in the butterflies and the sun, and I'm just a vague, benevolent force. [muttering] You're on your own.