Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Cathy, now apparently a bat as well, walks back into the caves to join her husband]
Crow: Now, wait a minute... how did she turn into a bat? The only contact she had with him was in the hotel and...
[Pause]
Crow: [horrified] ...Oh, my god.
Tom: [disgusted] GAH!
[They rush out of the theater]
Crow: OH MY GOD! I get the shower first!
Tom: No, me first!
Mike: Urgh!
Crow: Now, wait a minute... how did she turn into a bat? The only contact she had with him was in the hotel and...
[Pause]
Crow: [horrified] ...Oh, my god.
Tom: [disgusted] GAH!
[They rush out of the theater]
Crow: OH MY GOD! I get the shower first!
Tom: No, me first!
Mike: Urgh!
[Chain-smoker Mary Hargrove pours gasoline on her husband's beehives, tossing Doris aside when she tries to interfere.]
Mike: Wow! Look at her go! I didn't realize cigarettes had so many vitamins!
Mike: Wow! Look at her go! I didn't realize cigarettes had so many vitamins!
[Champion figure skater Barbara Ann Scott gives Johnny a peck on the cheek. Embarrassed, he puts his head on her chest.]
Crow [as Narrator]: "Jiminy," thinks Johnny, "if only I could get a ride in one of those."
Narrator: Johnny does find a real aeroplane�� and gets his ride.
Servo [as Narrator]: Johnny thinks Amelia Earhart seems like a nice lady.
The Rebel Set (movie)
Crow [as Narrator]: "Jiminy," thinks Johnny, "if only I could get a ride in one of those."
Narrator: Johnny does find a real aeroplane�� and gets his ride.
Servo [as Narrator]: Johnny thinks Amelia Earhart seems like a nice lady.
The Rebel Set (movie)
[Chapman is being tried while two women stand off to the side]
Servo: Look! Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery!
Servo: Look! Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery!
[Chapman is confused by Eden's explanation of how his ship was landed.]
Chapman: I don't understand.
Sessom: There are many things you will not understand here��
Crow [as Sessom]: ��being an obvious doorknob.
Chapman: I don't understand.
Sessom: There are many things you will not understand here��
Crow [as Sessom]: ��being an obvious doorknob.
[Chapman starts having echoing auditory flashbacks to earlier parts of the movie. Mike and the bots' join the fun]
Servo: Congratulations, Ms. Astronaut, it's a boy!...boy...boy...
Mike: Wake up Frank! You wet the bed!...bed...bed...
Crow: Frank, you'll have to take third grade again!...ain...ain
Mike: Frank, this is Northwest Collection Agency. Do you value your credit rating?...rating...rating...
Crow: I'm afraid you're not 7-Eleven timber, Frank...Frank...Frank...
Servo: You're the worst party clown we ever had!...had...had...
Servo: Congratulations, Ms. Astronaut, it's a boy!...boy...boy...
Mike: Wake up Frank! You wet the bed!...bed...bed...
Crow: Frank, you'll have to take third grade again!...ain...ain
Mike: Frank, this is Northwest Collection Agency. Do you value your credit rating?...rating...rating...
Crow: I'm afraid you're not 7-Eleven timber, Frank...Frank...Frank...
Servo: You're the worst party clown we ever had!...had...had...
[Characters are hunting dinosaurs, with incessant deep bell music]
Mike: According to the bells, it's 97 o'clock.
Mike: According to the bells, it's 97 o'clock.
[Chase gets two twenty dollar bills as payment.]
Chase: Two twenties!
Tom: That makes thirty dollars!
Chase: Two twenties!
Tom: That makes thirty dollars!
[Chase is singing endless repetitions of his song's chorus.]
Chase: [singing] The Lord said, "Laugh, children, laugh!"
Joel: I just wanna know if the Lord said it this many times in a row.
Chase: [singing] The Lord said, "Laugh, laugh, laugh!"
Crow: That's why the Deuteronomy's so long.
Chase: [singing] The Lord said, "Laugh, children, laugh!"
Joel: I just wanna know if the Lord said it this many times in a row.
Chase: [singing] The Lord said, "Laugh, laugh, laugh!"
Crow: That's why the Deuteronomy's so long.
[Cheerful music is heard during the short's opening credits.]
Crow: [singing] Springtime for Hitler and Germany!
Crow: [singing] Springtime for Hitler and Germany!
[Chief engineer MacPhearson hobbles away from a firefight]
Crow [as MacPhearson]: A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
Crow [as MacPhearson]: A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
[CIA agent Tommy (pop idol Frankie Avalon) waits while sexy Helga strips behind a curtain.]
Joel: Just try to pay no attention to that girl behind the curtain.
Crow: Try not to pay any attention to that hideous pattern.
. . .
Tommy: I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to sing. Nah!
Joel: Good one, Frankie. We'll make fun of the movie, if you don't mind!
Joel: Just try to pay no attention to that girl behind the curtain.
Crow: Try not to pay any attention to that hideous pattern.
. . .
Tommy: I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to sing. Nah!
Joel: Good one, Frankie. We'll make fun of the movie, if you don't mind!
[Claire takes a reluctant Dr. Hedges to a pier after answering about two dozen stupid questions from him.]
Mike [as Hedges]: Now what's going on?
Servo [as Hedges]: Who's that other guy?
Crow [as Hedges]: Where are we going?
Mike [as Hedges]: What is this fluid under my feet?
Servo [as Hedges]: What happened to the day-ball?
Crow: Let's chip in and buy this movie a life.
Mike [as Hedges]: Now what's going on?
Servo [as Hedges]: Who's that other guy?
Crow [as Hedges]: Where are we going?
Mike [as Hedges]: What is this fluid under my feet?
Servo [as Hedges]: What happened to the day-ball?
Crow: Let's chip in and buy this movie a life.
[Claudius can only stare helplessly as Gertrude drinks the poison meant for Hamlet.]
Mike [as Claudius]: Oh. Great. Well, not looking forward to the Danish singles scene again...
Mike [as Claudius]: Oh. Great. Well, not looking forward to the Danish singles scene again...
[Clementine is concerned about her missing brother.]
Clementine: He was supposed to meet me at the spaceport.
Capt. Kemp: He's probably waiting at Moon City.
Clementine: Mmm, that's what the man said.
Servo [as Capt. Kemp]: Don't you listen to what the man says.
Clementine: He was supposed to meet me at the spaceport.
Capt. Kemp: He's probably waiting at Moon City.
Clementine: Mmm, that's what the man said.
Servo [as Capt. Kemp]: Don't you listen to what the man says.