Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Blubbering, thickheaded pseudo-heartthrob Max (Timothy Van Patten) attempts to converse with spunky union organizer Carrie.]
Max: I'm here. Are you?
Carrie: Yeah, I'm here. Oh Max, a long day.
Max: I hear ya. [The camera lingers on Van Patten hopefully, as though awaiting a sharper quip. Nothing comes.]
Servo [as Carrie]: You're a wry wit.
Max: I'm here. Are you?
Carrie: Yeah, I'm here. Oh Max, a long day.
Max: I hear ya. [The camera lingers on Van Patten hopefully, as though awaiting a sharper quip. Nothing comes.]
Servo [as Carrie]: You're a wry wit.
[Bob and Greta the White Goddess are in a tough spot.]
Bob: [sarcastic] White goddess having trouble?
Crow: White fascist getting smart?
Bob: [sarcastic] White goddess having trouble?
Crow: White fascist getting smart?
[Bob and Johnny are examining a collection of moths on display at the fairgrounds]
Crow [as Narrator]: Later, these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims!
Crow [as Narrator]: Later, these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims!
[Bob Hedges, Claire, and her father have some time to kill while waiting for Victor's test results.]
Hedges: Is there a good movie in town?
Mike: [snorts] Now we get to watch people watching a movie? What is that all about?
Crow: Heh heh heh!
[Mike and Crow consider what they're saying.]
Mike, Crow: Oh.
Hedges: Is there a good movie in town?
Mike: [snorts] Now we get to watch people watching a movie? What is that all about?
Crow: Heh heh heh!
[Mike and Crow consider what they're saying.]
Mike, Crow: Oh.
[Bob Olson examines a jet plane.]
Narrator: Bob still has lots to see. This is a jet plane.
Servo [as Bob]: Where's the corn go?
Narrator: Wonder what it would be like to fly it?
Mike [as Narrator]: ...over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability. [N]
Narrator: Bob still has lots to see. This is a jet plane.
Servo [as Bob]: Where's the corn go?
Narrator: Wonder what it would be like to fly it?
Mike [as Narrator]: ...over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability. [N]
[Bobby knocks on the window of their car, talking to Jim]
Bobby: Hey, what's the matter?
Mike [as Jim]: This Kansas song just makes me so sad!
Bobby: Hey, what's the matter?
Mike [as Jim]: This Kansas song just makes me so sad!
[Bobby wanders off into the jungle to the tune of Vince Guaraldi-esque piano music.]
Crow: Soundtrack by Schroeder.
Crow: Soundtrack by Schroeder.
[Bobsledding wipeouts are shown in the cavalcade of snow sports.]
Tom: Boy, all this just to talk to Jim McKay.
Tom: Boy, all this just to talk to Jim McKay.
[Bowing to the witch's demand, Ilmarinen builds a Sampo by throwing stuff into a magic fire.]
Ilmarinen: With this wool, will I clothe you!
Servo [as Ilmarinen]: With these teeth, will you bite me!
Ilmarinen: With this wool, will I clothe you!
Servo [as Ilmarinen]: With these teeth, will you bite me!
[Boyd the ranch hand slouches around.]
Crow: [singing] There's a thick yellow stain on my back brace!
Crow: [singing] There's a thick yellow stain on my back brace!
[Brack enters the scene]
Mike: Hey, Charlie Rich!
Crow: He goes through a lot of Brylcreem.
[Brack enters the elevator, looking sternly at Meacham and Adams.]
Mike [as Adams]: Don't mention his head.
Mike: Hey, Charlie Rich!
Crow: He goes through a lot of Brylcreem.
[Brack enters the elevator, looking sternly at Meacham and Adams.]
Mike [as Adams]: Don't mention his head.
[Brinkman runs up to Dr. Sumiko, a female Asian crewmember, before the flight.]
Brinkman: Sumiko!
Crow [as Sumiko/Groucho Marx]: I will as soon my lawyer gets here.
Sumiko: Brinkman! [An uneasy moment passes.] Have I changed that much?
Joel [as Brinkman]: Yeah, you used to be a Swedish man!
Brinkman: Sumiko!
Crow [as Sumiko/Groucho Marx]: I will as soon my lawyer gets here.
Sumiko: Brinkman! [An uneasy moment passes.] Have I changed that much?
Joel [as Brinkman]: Yeah, you used to be a Swedish man!
[British scientists Steiner and Mitchell are about to project Dr. Hill's dematerialized watch. All three are dressed in white lab coats and wearing space-age protective goggles.]
Prof. Steiner: Laser Preheat!
Dr. Mitchell: Laser Pre-Heat�� in!
Crow [as Prof. Steiner]: Grease and flour cake pans!
Prof. Steiner: Laser Emission Relay.
Dr. Mitchell: Laser Emission Relay�� on!
Servo [as Prof. Steiner]: Bottom falling out of�� plot! Movie�� sucks!
Mike: Are we not blokes?
Prof. Steiner: Relay One.
Dr. Mitchell: Relay One�� in!
Servo [as Prof. Steiner]: Really dumb scene�� end!
Prof. Steiner: Laser Preheat!
Dr. Mitchell: Laser Pre-Heat�� in!
Crow [as Prof. Steiner]: Grease and flour cake pans!
Prof. Steiner: Laser Emission Relay.
Dr. Mitchell: Laser Emission Relay�� on!
Servo [as Prof. Steiner]: Bottom falling out of�� plot! Movie�� sucks!
Mike: Are we not blokes?
Prof. Steiner: Relay One.
Dr. Mitchell: Relay One�� in!
Servo [as Prof. Steiner]: Really dumb scene�� end!
[Brother looks inside a pot]
Narrator: What's the matter?
Servo [as Brother]: THERE'S A RABBIT IN THERE!
Narrator: What's the matter?
Servo [as Brother]: THERE'S A RABBIT IN THERE!
[Brother, sporting a slicked-back hair style, cleans his room.]
Narrator: Brother notices the time, and realizes that he must put things in order, and clean himself up in time for dinner.
Mike [as Narrator]: He's got to strip and replace the oil in his hair with summer-weight.
Narrator: Brother notices the time, and realizes that he must put things in order, and clean himself up in time for dinner.
Mike [as Narrator]: He's got to strip and replace the oil in his hair with summer-weight.