Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Barbarian Ator leaps from a cliff in a rather modern-looking hang-glider.]
Servo: Oh, come on.
Crow: What the��?!
Servo: [laughs]
Joel: Terrific. [childlike voice] I'm the luckiest boy in the world! I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!
Servo: This is a little ridiculous. Okay, so�� he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld�� all in about five minutes, huh? [��] learned aerodynamics��
Servo: Oh, come on.
Crow: What the��?!
Servo: [laughs]
Joel: Terrific. [childlike voice] I'm the luckiest boy in the world! I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!
Servo: This is a little ridiculous. Okay, so�� he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld�� all in about five minutes, huh? [��] learned aerodynamics��
[Bart Fargo attacks one of the evil henchmen and grabs him by the throat.]
Bart Fargo: You're the one who knows everything...
Mike [as Fargo]: Who's God?
Bart Fargo: You're the one who knows everything...
Mike [as Fargo]: Who's God?
[Bart Fargo foils an assassination attempt by Scarface, who was disguised as a concierge.]
Bart Fargo: You know, Scarface, that was a very silly get-up. It didn't suit you. And your imitation of a waiter was very funny. "Your breakfast, se�or..." You should have changed your voice too.
[Bart opens a balcony window and chuckles. Scarface lunges at Bart, but misses and dives out the window, screaming.]
Servo: Olé!
[Crow giggles.]
Mike [as Bart]: And the way you dove out the window was just terrible!
[Scarface lands on the pavement with a thump.]
Servo [as Bart]: Ooh, sorry, ma'am.
Bart Fargo: That's too bad.
Crow: Oh, come on! What about "he really fell for me"? Or "his hopes have been crushed"?
Bart Fargo: You know, Scarface, that was a very silly get-up. It didn't suit you. And your imitation of a waiter was very funny. "Your breakfast, se�or..." You should have changed your voice too.
[Bart opens a balcony window and chuckles. Scarface lunges at Bart, but misses and dives out the window, screaming.]
Servo: Olé!
[Crow giggles.]
Mike [as Bart]: And the way you dove out the window was just terrible!
[Scarface lands on the pavement with a thump.]
Servo [as Bart]: Ooh, sorry, ma'am.
Bart Fargo: That's too bad.
Crow: Oh, come on! What about "he really fell for me"? Or "his hopes have been crushed"?
[Bart Fargo repeatedly slaps an assassin in the face.]
Servo [as Assassin/Mulwray]: My sister! My daughter! My sister! My daughter!
Servo [as Assassin/Mulwray]: My sister! My daughter! My sister! My daughter!
[Bart Fargo's car skids off the road, over a cliff, and into the sea; however, the effect is clearly achieved by someone simply rolling a toy car off a rock into the water.]
Servo: Hot Wheels!
Crow: Some little boy is going to be very upset.
Servo: Hot Wheels!
Crow: Some little boy is going to be very upset.
[Baydool scares off an intruder by throwing the contents of his chamber pot at him.]
Pearl: Ew, wizard whiz!
Crow: Drain the wizard!
Pearl: Ew, wizard whiz!
Crow: Drain the wizard!
[Baydool shows Tee some blow darts.]
Baydool: These will put anyone to sleep in no time.
Crow: They're tiny James Michener books!
Baydool: These will put anyone to sleep in no time.
Crow: They're tiny James Michener books!
[Before the car hits Tony]
Servo: Don't worry, his area will protect him!
[Tony gets hit by car]
Servo: ...Or not.
Servo: Don't worry, his area will protect him!
[Tony gets hit by car]
Servo: ...Or not.
[Benton stops Mitchell from following Cummings into his home.]
Benton: No salesmen at this entrance.
Servo [as Mitchell]: But I'm not a salesman! I'm the Chubby Blue Line!
Benton: No salesmen at this entrance.
Servo [as Mitchell]: But I'm not a salesman! I'm the Chubby Blue Line!
[Beth looks on as Harry [played by Tony Cardoza] straps on a parachute in what appears to be the middle of a desert field.]
Mike [as Beth]: Uh, I think you'll need the plane, too, Tony.
Harry: Bob, you ready?
Bob: [off-camera] Sure, Harry!
[Cut to a parachuted man making his way out from the back of a deep hangar.]
Servo: Wait! He- he- he was there, and now we g-- the plane was--!
Mike: [sputters unintelligibly]
Crow: Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this film.
. . .
[A helmeted Harry climbs into the unmarked, unnumbered white plane.]
Crow: What's the point of a helmet in skydiving? In case you land on your head?
Mike: Generic Plane. Cheaper than other planes.
. . .
[Poofy-haired Beth watches Harry take off.]
Crow: Honey, even if a hairstyle is "in," it may not be the right one for you...
Mike [as Beth]: Uh, I think you'll need the plane, too, Tony.
Harry: Bob, you ready?
Bob: [off-camera] Sure, Harry!
[Cut to a parachuted man making his way out from the back of a deep hangar.]
Servo: Wait! He- he- he was there, and now we g-- the plane was--!
Mike: [sputters unintelligibly]
Crow: Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this film.
. . .
[A helmeted Harry climbs into the unmarked, unnumbered white plane.]
Crow: What's the point of a helmet in skydiving? In case you land on your head?
Mike: Generic Plane. Cheaper than other planes.
. . .
[Poofy-haired Beth watches Harry take off.]
Crow: Honey, even if a hairstyle is "in," it may not be the right one for you...
[Bill is going to show Jan his experiment.]
Bill: You have the keys to your car?
[Cut to them driving.]
Crow: The answer: yes, she has the keys to her car.
Servo [as announcer]: The Long, Long Trailer!
Bill: You have the keys to your car?
[Cut to them driving.]
Crow: The answer: yes, she has the keys to her car.
Servo [as announcer]: The Long, Long Trailer!
[Billy gleefully blasts away at shrubs and sand with said cannon.]
Mike [as Billy]: Yeah... I think you are gonna detail my van for seventy-five dollars!
Mike [as Billy]: Yeah... I think you are gonna detail my van for seventy-five dollars!
[Billy's and girlfriend Kathy's hands are shown roving over each other's exposed skin in an intimate moment between the two while Mike and the 'bots express their repulsion.]
Crow: This movie means two things to me: sheet cake and back fat!
Crow: This movie means two things to me: sheet cake and back fat!
[Black-caped, solemn nurse Jesse glides through the hospital ward lobby.]
Crow: Ah, here comes Nurse-feratu.
Crow: Ah, here comes Nurse-feratu.
[Blonde bimbo Angela Garland boards the plane, still wearing her "Miss SST" outfit and sash.]
Angela: [vapidly] Hello!
[The flight attendants watch her sashay to her seat.]
Crow [as Attendant]: Please put your brain under the seat in front of you.
Angela: [vapidly] Hello!
[The flight attendants watch her sashay to her seat.]
Crow [as Attendant]: Please put your brain under the seat in front of you.