Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[As Dr. Erickson looks out over the beach, large flipper-like footprints appear mysteriously in the sand.]
Servo: [gasps] Donald Duck has the Ring of Power!
...
Crow: Frodo goes snorkling!
Servo: [gasps] Donald Duck has the Ring of Power!
...
Crow: Frodo goes snorkling!
[As Father begins passing food.]
Servo: [in a British accent] Field Marshall Montgomery sits down to eat. Yes, it's smashing, it's a good day...
[Father passes a food-laden plate to Daughter.]
Narrator: They converse pleasantly while Dad serves.
Mike [as Daughter]: No, I-- I'll just have Saltines.
Narrator: I said "pleasantly", for that is the keynote at dinnertime. It is not only good manners, but good sense.
Crow [as Narrator]: Emotions are for ethnic people.
Narrator: Pleasant, unemotional conversation helps digestion.
Servo [as Narrator]: I can't stress "unemotional" enough.
Servo: [in a British accent] Field Marshall Montgomery sits down to eat. Yes, it's smashing, it's a good day...
[Father passes a food-laden plate to Daughter.]
Narrator: They converse pleasantly while Dad serves.
Mike [as Daughter]: No, I-- I'll just have Saltines.
Narrator: I said "pleasantly", for that is the keynote at dinnertime. It is not only good manners, but good sense.
Crow [as Narrator]: Emotions are for ethnic people.
Narrator: Pleasant, unemotional conversation helps digestion.
Servo [as Narrator]: I can't stress "unemotional" enough.
[As Gamera flies toward the crowd with the spaceship in his mouth, Tomoko jumps down into the landing site crater.]
Joel [as Tomoko]: I'm first! I wish to be the first to be crushed!
Joel [as Tomoko]: I'm first! I wish to be the first to be crushed!
[As Godzilla finally makes it to the climactic battle]
Crow [as Godzilla/Nada]: I have come here to chew sushi and kick butt. And I'm all out of sushi.
Crow [as Godzilla/Nada]: I have come here to chew sushi and kick butt. And I'm all out of sushi.
[As Gregory and Cal search for blonde Bonnie Galbraith in the mist-laden field, Gregory bends down to pick up something.]
Gregory: Look at this. Blonde hair.
Servo: Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat.
Crow: At night.
Joel: In a fog.
Gregory: Look at this. Blonde hair.
Servo: Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat.
Crow: At night.
Joel: In a fog.
[As Griffin is beating on Landis at a trainyard, the scene suddenly changes to an auto shop exterior, even while the fight music continues.]
Mike: Ah! I think my neck got broken in that jump cut!
Servo: [sighs] I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and said "I just don't know!"
Crow: I want to hurt this movie, but I could never hurt it the way it hurt me!
Mike: Ah! I think my neck got broken in that jump cut!
Servo: [sighs] I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and said "I just don't know!"
Crow: I want to hurt this movie, but I could never hurt it the way it hurt me!
[As Hank the grocer runs over to Tony's body]
Crow: There's a deeeaaaaad hunk in the middle of the road! Dead boy!
Crow: There's a deeeaaaaad hunk in the middle of the road! Dead boy!
[As Harry departs, Beth walks up to his friend Joe. The coveralled pair exchanges a meaningful look.]
Crow: Two zips and we're naked!
Crow: Two zips and we're naked!
[As her children pass along commands from the blob rock, Anne tries to comprehend what's happening.]
Anne Brewster: How does it tell you, and why?
Bud: I don't think you'd understand.
[Anne lets go of her son in disgust and turns away.]
Mike [as Anne]: Oh, I'll just go wish myself into the cornfield.
Anne Brewster: How does it tell you, and why?
Bud: I don't think you'd understand.
[Anne lets go of her son in disgust and turns away.]
Mike [as Anne]: Oh, I'll just go wish myself into the cornfield.
[As Jenni runs from Marian's ghost, the soundtrack has a soprano singing an erratic sequence of creepy notes.]
Servo: Kiri Te Kanawa is drunk again!
Servo: Kiri Te Kanawa is drunk again!
[As Jet Jaguar flies around in the sky above them]
Goro: Isn't that Jet Jaguar there?
Servo: [Sarcastically] No, it's another superhero of your own design!
Goro: They're controlling him.
Rok-san: It's a pity we can't send Jet Jaguar to go and get Godzilla!
Crow: Yeah, it's a pity we can't kill you and get away with it!
Goro: Isn't that Jet Jaguar there?
Servo: [Sarcastically] No, it's another superhero of your own design!
Goro: They're controlling him.
Rok-san: It's a pity we can't send Jet Jaguar to go and get Godzilla!
Crow: Yeah, it's a pity we can't kill you and get away with it!
[As Karen drives off with her uniformed Navy boyfriend, Natalie tries to call her back.]
Natalie: Karen!
Mike [as Karen]: Sorry! Love is lifting me up where I belong!
. . .
[Natalie stomps in frustration.]
Crow [as Natalie/Tonya]: The lace on my skate broke!
. . .
[Zack comes up behind Natalie and startles her. As she spins around��]
Crow [as Natalie/Tonya]: Jeff Gillooly did it!
Natalie: Karen!
Mike [as Karen]: Sorry! Love is lifting me up where I belong!
. . .
[Natalie stomps in frustration.]
Crow [as Natalie/Tonya]: The lace on my skate broke!
. . .
[Zack comes up behind Natalie and startles her. As she spins around��]
Crow [as Natalie/Tonya]: Jeff Gillooly did it!
[As Kay sends her application letter.]
Narrator: She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box.
Crow: (chuckles maniacly)
Joel: Be cool! Be cool! Come on! Be cool! Just... Oh, that's good! Now let's get out of here.
[In the next scene, Kay gets her acceptance letter.]
Servo [as Kay]: It's here already! Oh, shoot! I mailed it to myself!
Joel: It's from Ed McMahon! It says I may already be a winner!
Narrator: She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box.
Crow: (chuckles maniacly)
Joel: Be cool! Be cool! Come on! Be cool! Just... Oh, that's good! Now let's get out of here.
[In the next scene, Kay gets her acceptance letter.]
Servo [as Kay]: It's here already! Oh, shoot! I mailed it to myself!
Joel: It's from Ed McMahon! It says I may already be a winner!
[As Megalon and Jet Jaguar continue fighting]
Servo: I know I should be excited and scared and all, but I -- all I can think of is sweaty Japanese guys...
. . .
Crow: He's got a foreign object!
Servo: He is a foreign object!
Servo: I know I should be excited and scared and all, but I -- all I can think of is sweaty Japanese guys...
. . .
Crow: He's got a foreign object!
Servo: He is a foreign object!
[As Michael Landon's name appears in the opening credits]
Mike: [singing to the Bonanza theme] We got a film, and it's starring Michael Landon...
Mike: [singing to the Bonanza theme] We got a film, and it's starring Michael Landon...