[Akio reaches up and finds his head has been shaved]
Akio: Hey, what happened to my hair?
Tom: The space aliens did it, they're cannibals!
Joel: They ate my hair?
[this particular joke was improvised by Josh's Servo in the original KTMA episode]

[Alan Steele rides high in the saddle]
Servo: Yes, Big Alan Steele! Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of me all day long!

[Albert (James Earl Jones) is carrying out an aerial attack on the villains' headquarters using explosive-laden R/C model aircraft.]
Tom [as Albert]: This is F.U.N.

[Alex plugs in Judy's mixer.]
Alex: There we are.
Mike [as Alex]: God, you're dumb.

[All the principal characters are dead or a melted pile of glop, but the film continues nonetheless.]
Servo: What could there possibly be to wrap up? Everybody's dead!
Mike: Well now the movie has to mop up after itself.

[All-black-clad Soultaker walks down the a hospital hallway, blinking in and out of the picture.]
Crow: Johnny Cash! Johnny Cash! Johnny Cash!
Mike [as Soultaker/Cash]: [singing to "I Walk the Line"] Because you're mine, I walk the intensive care unit.

[Amazing Transparent Man Joey Faust begins to turn invisible.]
Mike [as Faust]: I'll be right back right after this.

[An acrobat bicycles on a tightrope, balancing more acrobats on his balance rod and shoulders.]
Joel: Boy, they're sure tough on drunk drivers in Canada.

[an Air Force Officer is dismissing a subordinate]
Air Force Officer: Now take off!
Joel:...to the great White North!

[An Ape military officer gathers the troops.]
Crow [as Officer]: About face! Crap in hands! Fling crap!

[An establishing shot of Gaos]
Joel: Here comes old flattop...
Servo: [whispering] Don't! George Harrison will sue you!
Joel: Oops, sorry!

[An example of Crow Syndrome.]
Joel: Well, anyway, with double entendre, you can say just about anything, Tom. Like: [suggestively] "Say -- does this TV have a remote? Mmmmm!"
Servo: Oh-ho-ho, I see! How 'bout: [suggestively] "Say -- check out the arms on this jumpsuit!" Right?
Joel: Oh, right on! Woo-hoo!
Servo: All right, yeah!
Joel: [suggestively] "As far as I know, Lincoln's not President anymore!"
Servo: Ah-ooh! Oo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [suggestively] "She came back from the store with a bag of apples, and a loaf of bread!"
Joel: Mmm-mmm-mmm!
Crow: I got one. "If the van's a rockin', don't come knock--"
Joel: Ah, Crow! Crow. That's a little bit more direct than what we were talking about.
Crow: Oh, uh��
[Timmy mutters something else into Crow's ear.]
Crow: H-here's one! "A grinder in der--"
Joel: Ah, Crow! No!
Crow: Oh. Well, I'm not sayin' it -- it's, it's Timmy who's sayin' it.
Joel: Well, listen, I think you better learn how to play with each other, all right?
Servo: [suggestively] Say, Joel�� we got Commercial Sign!
Joel: [suggestively] And now, a word from our sponsor. Poom!
Crow: She's built like a brick shi--
Joel: Crow!
Crow: �� show-- boat. Showboat.
[There is a scuffle as Servo battles Timmy after getting agitated by him]

[An inspector is checking a trumpet.]
Servo: Extra value's what you get when you play the coronet.
Crow: This trumpet is flatlining!

[An invisible Wilbur is playing the piano as the couple dances.]
Crow: Welcome to Shakey's!
[The camera zooms in on his glasses on the piano.]
Mike: [gasps] Elton John was here!

[An man with a gun, disguised as a priest, appears onscreen]
Mike: There's a New Testament in town!