Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[After a scene with the aliens, followed by an unrelated scene with Billy's mother leaving for Acapulco, the film fades to another seemingly unrelated shot of a van driving along the road.]
Mike: Well, now on to movie three!
Mike: Well, now on to movie three!
[After a succesful cattle roping]
Narrator: Eight seconds.
Joel [as the boy]: Yup, I'm hot. That's me pretty much.
Narrator: Eight seconds.
Joel [as the boy]: Yup, I'm hot. That's me pretty much.
[After about 20 minutes of scenes depicting the kids running around a military base]
Crow: So whatever happened to Space Chef?
Mike: That's "Chief."
Crow: Chief Chef?
Crow: So whatever happened to Space Chef?
Mike: That's "Chief."
Crow: Chief Chef?
[After an hour or so of no discernible plot development, Mr. Thayer discusses the details of his evil plan.]
Mr. Thayer: Everything will go on, as if nothing happened.
Joel: Nothing has happened...
Mr. Thayer: Everything will go on, as if nothing happened.
Joel: Nothing has happened...
[After attempting to force himself on his date, Chip tumbles over the edge of a cliff]
Mike Nelson [as Chip]: [screams, then pauses] Hey, look, a morel! [resumes screaming]
Mike Nelson [as Chip]: [screams, then pauses] Hey, look, a morel! [resumes screaming]
[After Bart Fargo's partner is gunned down, the movie's catchy, upbeat "Ba-pa-da-pa-da-da" theme music starts up again.]
Servo: This isn't appropriate right now, his friend is dying over there!
[beat]
Servo: But it's nice.
Mike: It is nice, yeah.
[Crow laughs.]
Servo: This isn't appropriate right now, his friend is dying over there!
[beat]
Servo: But it's nice.
Mike: It is nice, yeah.
[Crow laughs.]
[After bees kill first Mrs. Hargrove's dog and then her, the local coroner questions Mr. Hargrove at an inquest.]
Coroner: Is there anything you can tell this court which would help it to establish the exact cause of your wife's death?
Hargrove: The cause should be obvious. She was stung to death by bees.
Coroner: And her dog?
Servo [as Hargrove]: Uh, the dog didn't sting her.
Coroner: Is there anything you can tell this court which would help it to establish the exact cause of your wife's death?
Hargrove: The cause should be obvious. She was stung to death by bees.
Coroner: And her dog?
Servo [as Hargrove]: Uh, the dog didn't sting her.
[After being tied up and turned into an "atomic superman", Dr. Vornoff breaks out of the leather straps that bind him to the table.]
Crow: Oh no, now he has the strength of twenty heroin addicts!
Crow: Oh no, now he has the strength of twenty heroin addicts!
[After breaking free of his nets Gorgo swings his tail at what looks like an elephant, which blows up.]
Crow: I didn't know elephants exploded on impact!
Crow: I didn't know elephants exploded on impact!
[After Bueller's second monologue about "heard," "understood" and "pleasing"]
Bueller: Now, let's look at another typical example.
[Cut to a young woman giving a speech.]
Crow [as Bueller]: This man is wearing a push-up bra. Now he is pleasing.
Bueller: Now, let's look at another typical example.
[Cut to a young woman giving a speech.]
Crow [as Bueller]: This man is wearing a push-up bra. Now he is pleasing.
[After character gets shot in the classroom by police]
Mike: She died like she lived... failing algebra.
Mike: She died like she lived... failing algebra.
[After Dave is attacked, the rest of the scientists rush to the scene.]
Tom Servo: And the Steves are there!
Crow: Steve One, you go that way. Steve Two, come with me!
Tom Servo: And the Steves are there!
Crow: Steve One, you go that way. Steve Two, come with me!
[After Dr. Wyman views the strange egg-like alien cells in the body's blood.]
Mike [as Dr. Wyman]: What I'm about to say may sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.
Mike [as Dr. Wyman]: What I'm about to say may sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.
[After Gilbert discovers he can't even operate his car without springs, Coily appears.]
Coily: Noooo springs! [laughs]
Gilbert: Awww, gee, Coily, I didn't realize what I was wishing. I'm sorry for everything I said. Can't we call the whole thing off? Isn't there anything I can do? Please let me take back my wish.
Coily: [rubs chin in thought] Wellll...
Mike [as Coily]: NO!
Coily: Okay! I'll do it, just this once! But next time, be careful! Don't ever make that wish again!
. . .
[With that, Coily makes all the springs reappear into existence.]
Servo: So Coily waited all eternity for this moment and he backs down almost instantly?
Coily: Noooo springs! [laughs]
Gilbert: Awww, gee, Coily, I didn't realize what I was wishing. I'm sorry for everything I said. Can't we call the whole thing off? Isn't there anything I can do? Please let me take back my wish.
Coily: [rubs chin in thought] Wellll...
Mike [as Coily]: NO!
Coily: Okay! I'll do it, just this once! But next time, be careful! Don't ever make that wish again!
. . .
[With that, Coily makes all the springs reappear into existence.]
Servo: So Coily waited all eternity for this moment and he backs down almost instantly?
[After Gilbert, a rather rotund man, wishes there were no springs, Coily magically makes them disappear from the world.]
Mike: So, one clod says one thing and the whole world pays???
Crow [as Gilbert]: No springs? I don't care. There's still butter and meatloaf.
Mike: So, one clod says one thing and the whole world pays???
Crow [as Gilbert]: No springs? I don't care. There's still butter and meatloaf.