Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[A worker is placing eggs inside a tray.]
Mike [as egg]: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Servo [as egg]: No, stay in there.
Mike [as egg]: Oh, come on. Can I go home?
Servo [as egg]: No, the door's locked!
. . .
Crow: I've seen the episode where the eggs come in too fast and she starts putting them in her mouth!
Mike [as egg]: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Servo [as egg]: No, stay in there.
Mike [as egg]: Oh, come on. Can I go home?
Servo [as egg]: No, the door's locked!
. . .
Crow: I've seen the episode where the eggs come in too fast and she starts putting them in her mouth!
[A worker is sorting out baby chicks.]
Crow [as worker]: Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.
[The baby chicks are being thrown into a small box.]
Mike [as baby chick]: It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.
Servo [as baby chick]: Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!
Mike: 40 piece chicken nuggets to go!
Crow [as worker]: Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.
[The baby chicks are being thrown into a small box.]
Mike [as baby chick]: It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.
Servo [as baby chick]: Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!
Mike: 40 piece chicken nuggets to go!
[A worker puts trays inside the incubator.]
Narrator: The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.
Crow [as Narrator]: And this fellow.
. . .
Narrator: This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.
Servo: And one bathroom for all of them.
Narrator: The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.
Crow [as Narrator]: And this fellow.
. . .
Narrator: This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.
Servo: And one bathroom for all of them.
[A young "African" helper jumps off a sleigh.]
Servo [as African Child]: [grumbling] Bone in my hair... I'm from Detroit!
Servo [as African Child]: [grumbling] Bone in my hair... I'm from Detroit!
[A young Clint Eastwood has a cameo.]
Crow: This guy's bad. This is his first and last movie.
Crow: This guy's bad. This is his first and last movie.
[Adam faces down an oncoming plane on his motorcycle.]
Mike [as Adam]: Stop! Or your propeller will grind me to hamburger!
Tom: Stop! Or I'll Agent for H.A.R.M. you!
Mike [as Adam]: Stop! Or your propeller will grind me to hamburger!
Tom: Stop! Or I'll Agent for H.A.R.M. you!
[Afraid of Baydool, Tee runs out the door.]
Pearl [as Tee]: I'll see if Bombadil has a place to crash.
Pearl [as Tee]: I'll see if Bombadil has a place to crash.
[After a bride "dies" at the altar, two men carry her out on a stretcher, still in her poofy wedding dress.]
Joel: Oh, man, that's so sad -- look, they're taking the cake back!
[Dr. Lorenz eagerly receives the white bundle in his hearse.]
Crow [as Lorenz]: Thank you, I love cake!
Joel: Oh, man, that's so sad -- look, they're taking the cake back!
[Dr. Lorenz eagerly receives the white bundle in his hearse.]
Crow [as Lorenz]: Thank you, I love cake!
[after a disguised Whitey demeans Bill Dudley's bread delivery job, he sets out to change her mind]
Bill Dudley: First of all, take a look. [holds up bread] A loaf of bread.
Crow [as Dudley]: Eat every piece!
. . .
Whitey: Are you by any chance trying to say that you think this business of yours is important?
Dudley: That's exactly the way I feel about it.
Mike [as Dudley]: [miserably] I have to. It's all I've got!
Bill Dudley: First of all, take a look. [holds up bread] A loaf of bread.
Crow [as Dudley]: Eat every piece!
. . .
Whitey: Are you by any chance trying to say that you think this business of yours is important?
Dudley: That's exactly the way I feel about it.
Mike [as Dudley]: [miserably] I have to. It's all I've got!
[After a helpful title card informs us that "What you are about to see could happen to any city, anywhere."]
Servo: Oh, good. ... It can happen in any city to any person. So wha...
[Barry Newman's credit appears.]
Crow: Like Barry Newman.
Servo: So stop watching TV and get ready for the big huge fire! The apocalypse that could happen this Sunday night.
Servo: Oh, good. ... It can happen in any city to any person. So wha...
[Barry Newman's credit appears.]
Crow: Like Barry Newman.
Servo: So stop watching TV and get ready for the big huge fire! The apocalypse that could happen this Sunday night.
[After a lip-lock with Adam, Ava invites him for a moonlight swim.]
Ava : Are you coming, or do I swim alone?
Crow [as Adam]: Yes, and yes.
Ava : Are you coming, or do I swim alone?
Crow [as Adam]: Yes, and yes.
[After a long day slave-laboring in the cotton fields, the peppy teen convicts dance at a sock hop in their quarters.]
Joel: That's the problem with today's youth. This is how their image of prison is.
Joel: That's the problem with today's youth. This is how their image of prison is.
[After a long montage depicting Tommy, Jonathan, Taylor, and Shep working together on Jonathan's mining site, the scene fades to a shot of Taylor looking out the window of the cabin.]
Joel [as Taylor]: Well, looks like the montage finally blew over.
Joel [as Taylor]: Well, looks like the montage finally blew over.
[After a normal piece of music is heard, a better piece of background music begins to play.]
Crow: Hit me!
Narrator: A band concert under warm, tropical skies.
Crow: The music of John Phillips Salsa.
Crow: Hit me!
Narrator: A band concert under warm, tropical skies.
Crow: The music of John Phillips Salsa.
[After a restless sleep, Wanda awakes with a start, her glasses askew over her nose.]
Mike [as Wanda]: Ah! Swimsuit issue!
Crow [as Wanda]: This whole room smells like my eyes!
Mike [as Wanda]: Ah! Swimsuit issue!
Crow [as Wanda]: This whole room smells like my eyes!