Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[A television newsman is reporting on Gamera-related natural disasters.]
Newsman: There's going to be a special conference later this evening at the university, during which Dr. Hidaka will talk to high-ranking officers...
Crow [as Newsman]: ... and Kenny...
Newsman: There's going to be a special conference later this evening at the university, during which Dr. Hidaka will talk to high-ranking officers...
Crow [as Newsman]: ... and Kenny...
[A thief goes looking for his accomplice Gloria.]
Thief: Gloria?
Mike [as Thief]: G-L-O-R-I-A?
Thief: Gloria!
Servo [as Thief]: In excelsis Deo!
Thief: Gloria!
Crow [as Thief]: I hear they got your number.
Thief: Gloria?
Mike [as Thief]: G-L-O-R-I-A?
Thief: Gloria!
Servo [as Thief]: In excelsis Deo!
Thief: Gloria!
Crow [as Thief]: I hear they got your number.
[A tractor is clearing down trees for farming.]
Crow: Aah! It's Killdozer! Clint Walker, no!
Servo: Here, thousands of acres of rainforest are cleared away. Who cares?
Crow [as driver]: Stupid trees! God, I hate them.
Joel: Early tractor pulls, not that much fun. This is the freestyle competition.
Crow: Don't see many of these trees anymore. Well, down it goes.
Servo: The sad thing is this guy doesn't even work for anybody. He's just doing this for kicks!
Crow: Aah! It's Killdozer! Clint Walker, no!
Servo: Here, thousands of acres of rainforest are cleared away. Who cares?
Crow [as driver]: Stupid trees! God, I hate them.
Joel: Early tractor pulls, not that much fun. This is the freestyle competition.
Crow: Don't see many of these trees anymore. Well, down it goes.
Servo: The sad thing is this guy doesn't even work for anybody. He's just doing this for kicks!
[A train conductor appears, looking very old and decrepit. Mike realizes that the actor portraying him is...]
Mike: John Carradine!
Crow: Was he always a hundred years old?
Mike: John Carradine!
Crow: Was he always a hundred years old?
[A truck heads down the highway with convict runaway Griffin stowed away in the back.]
Mike: [singing to the Eagles' "Take It Easy"]
Mike: [singing to the Eagles' "Take It Easy"]
[A very ancient, wrinkled woman with long hair (Lucinda) barges through the kitchen door and falls to the floor.]
Servo: Grandma Kramer!
Mike: A kabuki actor's been hit!
. . .
Luther: What happened? What have you done?
Servo [as Lucinda]: I stayed in the tanning booth for a whole decade!
Servo: Grandma Kramer!
Mike: A kabuki actor's been hit!
. . .
Luther: What happened? What have you done?
Servo [as Lucinda]: I stayed in the tanning booth for a whole decade!
[A viewscreen on Rocky Jones' ship displays an image of a small, bumpy-looking planet.]
Servo: Look! It's the MST3K logo!
Joel: [aside] Uh, you're not supposed to know about that...
Servo: Oh, uh...
[Servo whistles innocently.]
Servo: Look! It's the MST3K logo!
Joel: [aside] Uh, you're not supposed to know about that...
Servo: Oh, uh...
[Servo whistles innocently.]
[A visibly shaken Dan stumbles back into the kitchen after discovering a mutilated corpse in the backyard.]
Ev: You look like you could use a drink.
Servo [as Ev]: And a shower, and a job.
Dan: I found another body...
Mike [as Ev]: Well, good, 'cause yours is gettin' kinda gross.
Ev: You look like you could use a drink.
Servo [as Ev]: And a shower, and a job.
Dan: I found another body...
Mike [as Ev]: Well, good, 'cause yours is gettin' kinda gross.
[A volcano erupts.]
Servo [as the Menard's Guy]: It's a magma flow of savings at Menard's!
Servo [as the Menard's Guy]: It's a magma flow of savings at Menard's!
[A warrior runs at Deathstalker, brandishing his sword wildly.]
Servo [as warrior]: Duh-huh, kill! Huh huh...
[As he lunges, the warrior gets caught in a trap that leaves him dangling by his leg from a tree.]
Crow: Whoa! He set that thing for pheasants; that was lucky!
Servo [as warrior]: Duh-huh, kill! Huh huh...
[As he lunges, the warrior gets caught in a trap that leaves him dangling by his leg from a tree.]
Crow: Whoa! He set that thing for pheasants; that was lucky!
[A well-to-do couple exits a nightclub. A valet hands them their car keys.]
Crow [as Woman]: We had a really Hispanic time! Thank you! [N]
Servo: Ah, the entire Mexican middle class.
Crow [as Woman]: We had a really Hispanic time! Thank you! [N]
Servo: Ah, the entire Mexican middle class.
[A woman hangs laundry, consisting entirely of white items.]
Crow: When Tom Wolfe's wife does the laundry!
Crow: When Tom Wolfe's wife does the laundry!
[A woman is feeling faint after the giant eyes attacking the observatory have been killed and set ablaze by an air strike.]
Man: Let's get you outside and have some fresh air!
Servo: I don't think outside is the best place for fresh air right now.
Man: Let's get you outside and have some fresh air!
Servo: I don't think outside is the best place for fresh air right now.
[A woman is going into labor.]
Crow: Get a catcher's mitt!
Joel: Boil some water.
Crow: Boil some newspapers!
Crow: Get a catcher's mitt!
Joel: Boil some water.
Crow: Boil some newspapers!
[A woman stares blankly at a mountain as bizarre music plays.]
Joel [as mountain]: [deeply] I am Mount Svengali. You will do as I say.
Joel [as mountain]: [deeply] I am Mount Svengali. You will do as I say.