[A scene of a Mediterranean style city is shown, with a domed building in the background]
Crow: Hey it's the Blue Mosque!
Servo: No, the Blue Mosque isn't on a hill.
Crow: Have you been to Istanbul?
Servo: THIS ISN'T EVEN ISTANBUL!

[A scientist is walking up a flight of stairs with music playing.]
Servo: Hey, its the musical stairs from the science museum.

[A scorpion slowly crawls on Kawajiri as he maniacally celebrates the opal's discovery.]
Servo: Death, where is thy sting? We're waiting.

[A scuba diver is seen on screen.]
Servo: This new "Cool Ranch" flavored scuba air isn't very good.

[A series of signs that read: HELP! on the way to first assignment future soldier and war-bride honeymooning ]
Servo: Oh, so he learns he enjoys violence, and be ready to kill like, a man ought a.
. . .
[While Critter accompanies himself on guitar, Michelle moves not quite to the beat, while harmonica sounds come from nowhere.]
Servo: Honey, way to play the harmonica with your ass!
Mike: So here's a puzzler: who of these two is worse at their art form?
. . .
Servo: She's dancing the specials at T.G.I. Friday's.
Crow: Well, I hope she tells us, in dance, about the Jack Daniel's grill.
. . .
Critter: [singing] But you must come down, put your feet on the ground, by and by.
Servo: [singing] You're living a lie.
Critter: [singing] You gotta come down.
Servo: [singing] You dance like a clown.
Critter: [singing] By and by.
Servo: [singing] I hope that you die!

[A severed head rolls past]
Servo: Oh, it's a spare!
Crow: Gutter head.

[A ship is tossed terribly in a tremendous storm. The scene fades out.]
Mike: And...?
[Cut to the next day, as the ship calmly sits in the water.]
Mike: Oh, they're fine!
Crow: [singing to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"]

[A shot of unpolished trumpets is shown to a background of low music.]
Joel: Honey West!

[A shot with a cop on a motorcycle in front of the Lt.'s car.]
Crow: Hey, look! Erik Estrada!

[A shuttle passenger dashes empoverished Fingal's hopes of "doppling" into a stallion.]
Fingal: I got 47 credits. What kind of a dopple do you think that buys?
Shuttle Passenger: An anteater... maybe.
Crow: Whoa, huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!

[A silohuette appears on screen]
Crow: Hey, it's Hitchcock!
Tom: Yeah, after Slim-Fast!
[All sing the Alfred Hitchcock Presents theme]
Appreciating Our Parents (short)

[A skater portrays a fawn trying vainly to escape from hunters.]
Servo: Prelude to the afternoon of a murder.
. . .
Crow [as Child]: Oh, Mom, I don't wanna... [gulps] I don't like the Circus on Ice anymore! I wanna go home!
Servo [as Mother]: Shut up and watch the deer get slaughtered! It's fun!
. . .
Joel: Oh, and she skates over her own intestines.

[A stock-footage lion approaches the party, who raise their guns in fear.]
Crow [as Lion]: Um... hakuna matata?
. . .
[The party finds a small, empty shipping crate in a clearing.]
Servo: I see -- it's a three room Japanese apartment.

[A supertanker has just exploded in flames.]
Servo: Oh my God, it's Gordon Lightfoot!

[A tarantula that's been exposed to the "goo" grows to a humongous size; it growls as it corners the film's stars.]
Crow: Spiders don't growl, even that big.
Mike: I guess you can't really prove that when they're that big, they don't growl.
Crow: [defensively] I liked Willow.