Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes["Forecaster" Ohman delivers his preparedness moral and departs.]
Sylvester: Well, I guess I better be going. Maybe make some of those tank parts. [...] Finished with your drink?
Carla: Yes, but I--
Vince: I'll take care of her.
Sylvester: Is that the way you want it?
Servo [as Carla]: [suggestively] Vince and I are gonna make our own tank parts.
Sylvester: Well, I guess I better be going. Maybe make some of those tank parts. [...] Finished with your drink?
Carla: Yes, but I--
Vince: I'll take care of her.
Sylvester: Is that the way you want it?
Servo [as Carla]: [suggestively] Vince and I are gonna make our own tank parts.
["Megaweapon" bears down on the hero and his ragtag band.]
Joel, Crow, Servo: Megaweapon�� Megaweapon�� Megaweapon��
Joel, Crow, Servo: Megaweapon�� Megaweapon�� Megaweapon��
["This Island Earth" appears on the screen]
Servo: This Island Earth can be yours if The Price is Right!
Servo: This Island Earth can be yours if The Price is Right!
[A baccarat game is in progress.]
Croupier: Mesdames et Messieurs, banque $10,000.
Crow [as Player]: It'd better be a damn good bonk.
Croupier: Mesdames et Messieurs, banque $10,000.
Crow [as Player]: It'd better be a damn good bonk.
[A bad cut makes Buz suddenly appear while two other characters are talking]
Servo [as Buz]: I'm back!
...
Mike [as Buz]: Anybody notice that I'm here now?
...
Crow [as Buz]: C'mon, I just teleported here! It's impressive!
Servo [as Buz]: I'm back!
...
Mike [as Buz]: Anybody notice that I'm here now?
...
Crow [as Buz]: C'mon, I just teleported here! It's impressive!
[A baggy-eyed monster with a head fin and hot-dog-like mouth protrusions emerges from behind a rock]
Crow: Whoa! A creature whose face is 80% eyebag.
Servo: So, radiation has a sense of humor!
Crow: Whoa! A creature whose face is 80% eyebag.
Servo: So, radiation has a sense of humor!
[A Bell Telephone representative talks about future features as a video runs to demonstrate them.]
Bell Woman: [voiceover] Want someone else on the line?
Servo [as Customer]: No.
Bell Woman: [voiceover] That's easy, too. Flip the switch button, then dial a code number and the number you want, and�� presto!
Mike: Well, andante, maybe.
Crow [as Bell Woman]: Soon you'll have all your friends hanging up on you and dreading your calls.
Bell Woman: [voiceover] Want someone else on the line?
Servo [as Customer]: No.
Bell Woman: [voiceover] That's easy, too. Flip the switch button, then dial a code number and the number you want, and�� presto!
Mike: Well, andante, maybe.
Crow [as Bell Woman]: Soon you'll have all your friends hanging up on you and dreading your calls.
[A bobcat runs up a tree to escape Ross.]
Ted Husing: Hey, Mister Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?
Servo [as Husing]: For voting twice?
Ted Husing: Say, you made a mistake picking that tree. I'm afraid you're out of luck this time.
Crow [as Bobcat]: Naaah, bite me! I will prevail! Mine is a noble race!
Ted Husing: Hey, Mister Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?
Servo [as Husing]: For voting twice?
Ted Husing: Say, you made a mistake picking that tree. I'm afraid you're out of luck this time.
Crow [as Bobcat]: Naaah, bite me! I will prevail! Mine is a noble race!
[a bolt of lightning knocks the power out]
Grandpa: Uh-oh!
Crow [as Grandpa]: We better eat all the ice cream!
Grandpa: Uh-oh!
Crow [as Grandpa]: We better eat all the ice cream!
[A boy looks at routing tags while the teacher is explaining what the colors mean.]
Boy: And blue, like this?
Teacher: Well, that's rather unusual. We can talk about it later.
Boy: Is it sexy?
Teacher: We'll talk about it later! Now come along, the class is waiting in the doppling room.
[The boy secretly switches a blue tag with a orange tag before leaving.]
Servo: [chuckling] The littlest sexual deviant.
. . .
[Later, the boy switches Fingal's green routing tag with the blue one.]
Servo: There's your precious Canadian healthcare system at work. [N]
Boy: And blue, like this?
Teacher: Well, that's rather unusual. We can talk about it later.
Boy: Is it sexy?
Teacher: We'll talk about it later! Now come along, the class is waiting in the doppling room.
[The boy secretly switches a blue tag with a orange tag before leaving.]
Servo: [chuckling] The littlest sexual deviant.
. . .
[Later, the boy switches Fingal's green routing tag with the blue one.]
Servo: There's your precious Canadian healthcare system at work. [N]
[A burglar alarm goes off, as a seedy looking man runs off into the alley.]
Crow : Merlin was a thieving crack head, who fenced VCR's to feed his habit.
Crow : Merlin was a thieving crack head, who fenced VCR's to feed his habit.
[A cake is brought out at the pool party, causing an overexcited reaction from the partygoers]
Crow: Teens love their cake pool party!
Crow: Teens love their cake pool party!
[A car approaches a railroad crossing sign at night, adorned with the typical "RR" symbol.]
Servo: [growling] Rrrrr.
. . .
Patrolman: If you haven't seen the signs...
Mike: Boy, you haven't lived.
Patrolman: ...then this train might come as a surprise to you.
Servo: The Sooooooooooooul Train!
Crow [as Don Cornelius]: Thank you very much, Clarissa...
Servo: [growling] Rrrrr.
. . .
Patrolman: If you haven't seen the signs...
Mike: Boy, you haven't lived.
Patrolman: ...then this train might come as a surprise to you.
Servo: The Sooooooooooooul Train!
Crow [as Don Cornelius]: Thank you very much, Clarissa...
[A car pulls up in front of a very hairy-looking tree.]
Crow: Hey, they're growing Bill the Cat!
Crow: Hey, they're growing Bill the Cat!