Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotesNarrator: It has formed a continuing pattern of progress that started more of a quarter of a century ago.
[The background music ends, and we fade to another scene.]
Mike, Crow, Servo: A CENTURY AGO!
[The background music ends, and we fade to another scene.]
Mike, Crow, Servo: A CENTURY AGO!
Narrator: Johnny can't read the words "Chemical Wonderland".
Joel: Oh, we've all been there.
Joel: Oh, we've all been there.
Narrator: Johnny even got to the midway for a ride, but the fun didn't last nearly long enough.
Servo [as Narrator]: Johnny's car rolled and burned.
Narrator: There were displays from all over the world, from countries Johnny was just learning about. Fine porcelain from France. Riches from the Orient. Silks and pearls from India.
Joel: Simulated culture like Disneyland.
Servo [as Narrator]: Johnny's car rolled and burned.
Narrator: There were displays from all over the world, from countries Johnny was just learning about. Fine porcelain from France. Riches from the Orient. Silks and pearls from India.
Joel: Simulated culture like Disneyland.
Narrator: Johnny goes first to see the fish.
Crow [as Johnny]: I like fish...
Narrator: Say, these bass would make good fishing! If only they were in the creek back home.
Mike: Well, see, they were in the creek, but they've been caught and that's why they're here.
Crow [as Johnny]: I like fish...
Narrator: Say, these bass would make good fishing! If only they were in the creek back home.
Mike: Well, see, they were in the creek, but they've been caught and that's why they're here.
Narrator: Joseph Javorsky.
Mike [as Narrator]: Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Narrator: Noted scientist.
Crow [as Narrator]: Family man, and your candidate for city council!
[Several more seconds go by; it is apparent that the narrator has no follow-up.]
Mike: So? What about him?!
Mike [as Narrator]: Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Narrator: Noted scientist.
Crow [as Narrator]: Family man, and your candidate for city council!
[Several more seconds go by; it is apparent that the narrator has no follow-up.]
Mike: So? What about him?!
Narrator: Many families throughout the country observe the custom of saying Grace at mealtime.
Crow [as Father]: Please, God, take me now...
Crow [as Father]: Please, God, take me now...
Narrator: Many years ago, terror stalked the land, making life harsh, unfair, and treacherous.
Crow: Jimmy Carter was in office.
Crow: Jimmy Carter was in office.
Narrator: Most of us think that these people were really free...
Joel [as Narrator]: But they were just stupid!
Joel [as Narrator]: But they were just stupid!
Narrator: No one starts eating until Father has served himself.
Mike [as Narrator]: THIS MEANS YOU!
Narrator: Always wait for the hostess...
Servo [as Narrator]: to seat you.
Narrator: ...in this case Mother, to begin eating before you start.
Mike [as Narrator]: Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, then disowns him!
Mike [as Narrator]: THIS MEANS YOU!
Narrator: Always wait for the hostess...
Servo [as Narrator]: to seat you.
Narrator: ...in this case Mother, to begin eating before you start.
Mike [as Narrator]: Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, then disowns him!
Narrator: Now, just suppose you were a beautiful doll with rosy cheeks and big blue eyes...
Mike: ...Okay...
Narrator: ...a doll that never talked.
Mike: [nervously] Just do what he says...
Narrator: Or a tree, that basked in the warm sunshine and rustled in the breeze: a tree that never spoke.
Servo: Now you're a can opener! Metal and shiny and taciturn!
Mike: ...Okay...
Narrator: ...a doll that never talked.
Mike: [nervously] Just do what he says...
Narrator: Or a tree, that basked in the warm sunshine and rustled in the breeze: a tree that never spoke.
Servo: Now you're a can opener! Metal and shiny and taciturn!
Narrator: Now, Mother and Daughter put the finishing touches on the dinner.
Servo [as Narrator]: With strychnine!
Crow [as Daughter]: Salad needs more butter, Mother!
Servo [as Narrator]: With strychnine!
Crow [as Daughter]: Salad needs more butter, Mother!
Narrator: O is for once...
Servo: "Once"? O is for "Once"? What, was there a writer's strike?
. . .
[The clip is a series of animals plowing a field.]
Servo: O is for the obscene treatment of animals.
. . .
Joel: P is for PETA, who's boycotting this. And this. And this.
Servo: "Once"? O is for "Once"? What, was there a writer's strike?
. . .
[The clip is a series of animals plowing a field.]
Servo: O is for the obscene treatment of animals.
. . .
Joel: P is for PETA, who's boycotting this. And this. And this.
Narrator: One of these is cleansing cream.
Servo [as Narrator]: One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
Servo [as Narrator]: One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
Narrator: Q is for the queer, queer pelican / Whose beak can hold more than his belican!
Joel [as Narrator]: P is for plagiarism from Ogden Nash! [N]
Joel [as Narrator]: P is for plagiarism from Ogden Nash! [N]