Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotesNarrator: A man murdered, a woman's purse.
Servo: A thin plot, endlessly restated.
Servo: A thin plot, endlessly restated.
Narrator: A woman's purse... a man murdered... and footprints on the wasteland.
Mike: His limericks aren't very good...
Mike: His limericks aren't very good...
Narrator: After all these years, whether the chicken or the egg came first is still the subject of a lot of good-natured debate.
Servo: [chuckling] No, it isn't.
Servo: [chuckling] No, it isn't.
Narrator: An American Democracy...
Servo [as Narrator]: Would be really great.
Servo [as Narrator]: Would be really great.
Narrator: And most of all, your new job as student council representative.
[As the narrator says this, we see Johnny standing in front of the council, silently talking about something.]
Crow [as Johnny]: I envision a cheating wing!
[As the narrator says this, we see Johnny standing in front of the council, silently talking about something.]
Crow [as Johnny]: I envision a cheating wing!
Narrator: And notice how these convient horizontal wire shelves put your product always within buying range.
Servo: GIVE IT TO ME! GIMME!
Narrator: They may be removed entirely for loading to full-cabient capacity.
Crow: But don't put your tongue on it!
Servo: GIVE IT TO ME! GIMME!
Narrator: They may be removed entirely for loading to full-cabient capacity.
Crow: But don't put your tongue on it!
Narrator: And one large and small farms everywhere, the search for a better chicken goes on.
Servo: There it is! No wait, there!
Servo: There it is! No wait, there!
Narrator: And right there in front of you sat your pal Mary, with her head chock full of all the answers you needed.
Crow: Split it open now!
Narrator: You thought about it. There you were, desperate, and there was your salvation within arm's reach.
Servo: On a doily.
Narrator: So you decided to take a chance.
[Johnny taps Mary on the shoulder.]
Servo [as Johnny]: [loudly] Pssst! Hey, Mary! What's the answer?
Crow: Split it open now!
Narrator: You thought about it. There you were, desperate, and there was your salvation within arm's reach.
Servo: On a doily.
Narrator: So you decided to take a chance.
[Johnny taps Mary on the shoulder.]
Servo [as Johnny]: [loudly] Pssst! Hey, Mary! What's the answer?
Narrator: And what's the first feature that makes a selling wizard?
Servo: Bosoms!
Narrator: Sales appeal styling.
Crow: Or "S. A. S."
Servo: Bosoms!
Narrator: Sales appeal styling.
Crow: Or "S. A. S."
Narrator: As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension...
Tom Servo: As if we cared.
Narrator: Suddenly, there was no trail. There was no giant, no monster, no thing called Douglas to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage who suddenly found themselves alone with the shadows and darkness!
Joel: Oh, the joke's on us!
Crow: Boooooo!
Tom Servo: As if we cared.
Narrator: Suddenly, there was no trail. There was no giant, no monster, no thing called Douglas to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage who suddenly found themselves alone with the shadows and darkness!
Joel: Oh, the joke's on us!
Crow: Boooooo!
Narrator: Be sure to tell Mother how good the food is.
Mike [as Narrator]: ...even as you gag on it.
[Brother gives the "okay" sign.]
Servo [as Brother]: It stinks!
Mike [as Narrator]: ...even as you gag on it.
[Brother gives the "okay" sign.]
Servo [as Brother]: It stinks!
Narrator: Besides accumulating sweat, the skin is also constantly picking up dirt, dust, grit, and other foreign particles.
Crow: Skin sucks.
Crow: Skin sucks.
Narrator: Building into the clear-blue sky, the island is on the move.
Mike: Hawaii?
Crow: No, an island!
Mike: Hawaii?
Crow: No, an island!
Narrator: But did John truly intend to be dishonest?
Servo: Or was he just pure evil?
Servo: Or was he just pure evil?
Narrator: But it's your pocketbook that profits most when you send this bird to market.
[The next scene fades in]
Mike [as Narrator]: We bring you now to market.
[The next scene fades in]
Mike [as Narrator]: We bring you now to market.