Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotesLoudspeaker: Isolate area P-6.
Crow: And we have a Bingo! Hold your cards, please.
Crow: And we have a Bingo! Hold your cards, please.
Makonnen: You know, Captain, every year of my life, I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful...
Crow [as Chapman]: Don't hit him...
Makonnen: ...if you just take the time to look at it.
Chapman: You're some guy, Makonnen.
. . .
Mike [as Makonnen]: You know, Captain...
Crow [as Chapman]: Shut up, Ray.
. . .
[Chapman has just landed his ship solo]
Mike [as Chapman] Wow, how did I manage to land without that mincing co-pilot jabbering on about the good and the beautiful?
Crow [as Chapman]: Don't hit him...
Makonnen: ...if you just take the time to look at it.
Chapman: You're some guy, Makonnen.
. . .
Mike [as Makonnen]: You know, Captain...
Crow [as Chapman]: Shut up, Ray.
. . .
[Chapman has just landed his ship solo]
Mike [as Chapman] Wow, how did I manage to land without that mincing co-pilot jabbering on about the good and the beautiful?
Mama Sanders: [in her exaggerated Southern accent] I never saw such a storm...
Crow [as Mama]: I do hope Ashley Wilkes can get through.
Crow [as Mama]: I do hope Ashley Wilkes can get through.
Mary: [singing] I wish I had a castle in the sky...
Mike: [angrily] Yeah, well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one piles up first!
Mary: [singing] Away up high where bluebirds like to fly...
Servo [as Mary]: [singing] I wish I could have sex with Louis Nye...
Mary: [singing] A cozy, little castle with 100 rooms or more...
Crow [as Mary]: [singing] I wouldn't have to dress like Tipper Gore...
. . .
Mary: [singing] I wish my living room were all redone...
Mike [as Mary]: [singing] I think owning a newspaper would be fun...
Mike: [angrily] Yeah, well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one piles up first!
Mary: [singing] Away up high where bluebirds like to fly...
Servo [as Mary]: [singing] I wish I could have sex with Louis Nye...
Mary: [singing] A cozy, little castle with 100 rooms or more...
Crow [as Mary]: [singing] I wouldn't have to dress like Tipper Gore...
. . .
Mary: [singing] I wish my living room were all redone...
Mike [as Mary]: [singing] I think owning a newspaper would be fun...
Mary: [singing]: I wish the faucet wouldn't drip all day...
Crow: AIM HIGH, SISTER!
[A dissolve changes part of the kitchen to a different kitchen.]
Servo [as Mary]: Oh, I wish Hardware Hank hadn't done my kitchen!
Mary: [singing] I wish that refridgerator door would close and stay closed...
Mike [as the fridge]: Oh, sure, everyone dump on the refridgerator.
Crow [as announcer]: Miss Betty Furdess and the new Westinghouse!
Mary: [singing] I wish I had a stove whose pilot was always lit...
Crow: [in a Australian accent] Well, don't look for it now. It's only available in the year 2000!
Crow: AIM HIGH, SISTER!
[A dissolve changes part of the kitchen to a different kitchen.]
Servo [as Mary]: Oh, I wish Hardware Hank hadn't done my kitchen!
Mary: [singing] I wish that refridgerator door would close and stay closed...
Mike [as the fridge]: Oh, sure, everyone dump on the refridgerator.
Crow [as announcer]: Miss Betty Furdess and the new Westinghouse!
Mary: [singing] I wish I had a stove whose pilot was always lit...
Crow: [in a Australian accent] Well, don't look for it now. It's only available in the year 2000!
Mary: The problem to is factor x² - 9x + 20. Now how do you do it?
Crow [as John]: Aw, let's just cheat!
John: x² - 9x + 20. You take the x² - 9x... [Mary shakes her head]
Servo [as Mary]: Nobody home, huh?
John: Oh, you subtract the x from x², and then you...
Mike [as Mary]: John, this is geography!
Crow [as John]: Aw, let's just cheat!
John: x² - 9x + 20. You take the x² - 9x... [Mary shakes her head]
Servo [as Mary]: Nobody home, huh?
John: Oh, you subtract the x from x², and then you...
Mike [as Mary]: John, this is geography!
Meacham: There are 2,486 parts.
[Joe is stepping around the spread out Interocitor parts. Crow makes a loud crunching sound.]
Crow [as Joe]: Uh, 485, sir!
[As Joe walks around the parts, Crow keeps making crunching noises with every step Joe takes.]
[Joe is stepping around the spread out Interocitor parts. Crow makes a loud crunching sound.]
Crow [as Joe]: Uh, 485, sir!
[As Joe walks around the parts, Crow keeps making crunching noises with every step Joe takes.]
Meacham: This isn't paper. It's some sort of metal.
Crow [as Joe]: No, sir. That's paper!
Crow [as Joe]: No, sir. That's paper!
Meacham: What I want to know is...
Exeter: [interrupting] Who we are.... why we're here.
Servo [as Exeter]: And why I have a picture of a burger on the wall.
Exeter: [interrupting] Who we are.... why we're here.
Servo [as Exeter]: And why I have a picture of a burger on the wall.
Michael: Where did this place come from? It wasn't here a few minutes ago.
Crow: Maybe it's Brigadoon.
Crow: Maybe it's Brigadoon.
Mick: We ain't stupid.
Bolo: Nobody's calling anybody stupid, Mick.
Crow: Not on screen anyway.
Bolo: Nobody's calling anybody stupid, Mick.
Crow: Not on screen anyway.
Mike [as Crashed Pilot]: Oh, it was pretty rough, man, I had to eat a lizard and drink my urine!
Servo [as Rescuer]: You were only here for ten minutes!
Servo [as Rescuer]: You were only here for ten minutes!