Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Well-off but naive runaway Danny latches onto professional hobo Bix Dugan. They stroll through a small town.]
Danny: I'm hungry! Let's get something to eat.
Bix: That's a good idea.
Servo [as Bix]: You're catchin' on, kid. That was very insightful of you.
[The two enter a diner.]
Joel [as Danny]: We're hungry, but I thought of it! Ya know-- d'ya think that could be my new job, Bix -- decidin' when ta eat?
Crow [as Bix]: Shut up, Danny.
Joel [as Danny]: Oh.
Danny: I'm hungry! Let's get something to eat.
Bix: That's a good idea.
Servo [as Bix]: You're catchin' on, kid. That was very insightful of you.
[The two enter a diner.]
Joel [as Danny]: We're hungry, but I thought of it! Ya know-- d'ya think that could be my new job, Bix -- decidin' when ta eat?
Crow [as Bix]: Shut up, Danny.
Joel [as Danny]: Oh.
[Welles (played by Hugh Beaumont) answers his phone.]
Welles: Welles here.
Crow [as Welles/Ward Cleaver]: The boys did what? They duplicated Lumpy?
Welles: Welles here.
Crow [as Welles/Ward Cleaver]: The boys did what? They duplicated Lumpy?
[When Adam West first appears on screen, sitting behind a desk, smoking a cigar]
Servo [as Batman TV announcer]: What's this?
Servo [as Batman TV announcer]: What's this?
[While "Cherokee Jack" flies over some snow covered mountains...]
Mike: Hey, I see some soccer players down there...
Mike: Hey, I see some soccer players down there...
[While Chase sings, the giant gila monster bursts through the wall.]
Joel [as Gila Monster]: And the Lord said, "Die, children, die!"
Joel [as Gila Monster]: And the Lord said, "Die, children, die!"
[While Nastenka's stepparents are in their home, someone offscreen announces an arrival...]
Random Unknown Voice: Look who's here!
Servo: Thank you, Anonymous Voice!
. . .
[Marfushka returns to her home in a sled being pulled by pigs.]
Crow: It's a three-pig open sleigh!
Servo: On Wilbur! On Gordy! On Babe!
Random Unknown Voice: Look who's here!
Servo: Thank you, Anonymous Voice!
. . .
[Marfushka returns to her home in a sled being pulled by pigs.]
Crow: It's a three-pig open sleigh!
Servo: On Wilbur! On Gordy! On Babe!
[While on a test drive, the film cuts suddenly to show the salesman and customer have switched places.]
Joel: Zintar gets the most sales because he's a shapeshifter!
Joel: Zintar gets the most sales because he's a shapeshifter!
[While on the boat, Captain Sherman spots something through his binoculars.]
Sherman: Hey, Rook!, Rook, come here!
Crow [as Sherman]: These things make everything look bigger!
Sherman: Hey, Rook!, Rook, come here!
Crow [as Sherman]: These things make everything look bigger!
[While playing back phone messages left by viewers.]
Joel: All you scary guys with the low I.Q.s, don't call any more because you're scaring Gypsy.
Joel: All you scary guys with the low I.Q.s, don't call any more because you're scaring Gypsy.
[While stuck inside the NoviCorp computer, Fingal is told to go about his normal data processing routines.]
Fingal: I can't take this anymore... I'm so bored!
[Mike and the bots all look around]
Servo: OK, which one of us said that?
Crow: I felt it, I don't...
. . .
Fingal: Listen! We're nothing more than a byte in a giant computer!
Mike, Crow, Servo [as co-workers]: [dully] I'm okay with that.
. . .
[Fingal holds up a bunch of cards and they turn into flowers.]
Crow [as co-worker]: My coffee coupon!
...
Fingal: If I'm in charge of what happens to me in here. I'm not going to go on being a zombie like all those zombies at work.
Crow: I'll be a better zombie!
Fingal: I can't take this anymore... I'm so bored!
[Mike and the bots all look around]
Servo: OK, which one of us said that?
Crow: I felt it, I don't...
. . .
Fingal: Listen! We're nothing more than a byte in a giant computer!
Mike, Crow, Servo [as co-workers]: [dully] I'm okay with that.
. . .
[Fingal holds up a bunch of cards and they turn into flowers.]
Crow [as co-worker]: My coffee coupon!
...
Fingal: If I'm in charge of what happens to me in here. I'm not going to go on being a zombie like all those zombies at work.
Crow: I'll be a better zombie!
[While the end credits roll.]
Crow: I thought it was deep...
Joel: What did you think, Servo?
Servo: I thought it was pathetic.
Crow: So deep, we should've been wearing boots.
Servo: This made flying turtles look good.
Crow: I thought it was deep...
Joel: What did you think, Servo?
Servo: I thought it was pathetic.
Crow: So deep, we should've been wearing boots.
Servo: This made flying turtles look good.
[While trying to take a picture of a severed Eye Creature arm, the flashbulb causes it to evaporate]
Joel: Now why doesn't that work with relatives?
Joel: Now why doesn't that work with relatives?
[While Vicki is waiting at Manfred's home, Hargrove brings him the rest of her luggage.]
Mike [as Hargrove]: If you're looking for her panties I'm already wearing the good ones.
Mike [as Hargrove]: If you're looking for her panties I'm already wearing the good ones.
[Whitey is talking to Bill Dudley, but music covers what she's saying.]
Mike [as Whitey]: So then Mabel said to me "well, why'd you wear those earrings?" and then we went to Nine West but we couldn't find anything we wanted cause I have really wide feet, but sometimes I can find stuff at Payless, anyhoo, Cindy told me that Victoria's Secret was just around the corner, and she said that they're having a sale, and she knows I'm really broke right now, so I confronted her, and, well...
Mike [as Whitey]: So then Mabel said to me "well, why'd you wear those earrings?" and then we went to Nine West but we couldn't find anything we wanted cause I have really wide feet, but sometimes I can find stuff at Payless, anyhoo, Cindy told me that Victoria's Secret was just around the corner, and she said that they're having a sale, and she knows I'm really broke right now, so I confronted her, and, well...
[Wicked dowager Hetty March lifts herself out of the wheelchair.]
Crow [as Hetty/Dr. Strangelove]: Mein Fuehrer! I can walk!
Crow [as Hetty/Dr. Strangelove]: Mein Fuehrer! I can walk!