Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[The elderly Secretary General of the International Space Order addresses the world by radio/telecast.]
Secretary General: At this moment...
Crow [as Secretary General]: I may die!
Secretary General: ... over two billion people...
Servo [as Secretary General]: ... have been served.
Secretary General: �� in every part of the world, are focusing their attention on this program.
Mike [as Secretary General]: ... and my rump.
Secretary General: Every nation of the Earth, in a magnificent effort, is contributing of its people and resources, in an attempt to reach the Moon, and proclaim it...
Servo [as Secretary General]: ... dolphin-safe!
Secretary General: ... international territory.
Crow [as Secretary General]: ... and House of Pancakes.
. . .
Secretary General: God be with you.
Servo: And also with you.
Secretary General: At this moment...
Crow [as Secretary General]: I may die!
Secretary General: ... over two billion people...
Servo [as Secretary General]: ... have been served.
Secretary General: �� in every part of the world, are focusing their attention on this program.
Mike [as Secretary General]: ... and my rump.
Secretary General: Every nation of the Earth, in a magnificent effort, is contributing of its people and resources, in an attempt to reach the Moon, and proclaim it...
Servo [as Secretary General]: ... dolphin-safe!
Secretary General: ... international territory.
Crow [as Secretary General]: ... and House of Pancakes.
. . .
Secretary General: God be with you.
Servo: And also with you.
[The end credits roll, ending with the dedication "For John"]
Joel: John? Heh, this movie belongs in the john.
Joel: John? Heh, this movie belongs in the john.
[The evil Dr. Krupp unveils his creation, a "human robot".]
Dr. Krupp: Tonight I'm going to put it to the supreme test!
Joel: The Cosmo sex quiz?
Dr. Krupp: Tonight I'm going to put it to the supreme test!
Joel: The Cosmo sex quiz?
[The evil Prosser commands brainwashed Nastasia to hold a handgun to her own head.]
Crow: She's got a Lady Hemingway! [N]
Crow: She's got a Lady Hemingway! [N]
[The evil stepmother makes up her own daughter Marfushka to look like a Matryoshka doll.]
Stepmother: Nope! Not a princess.
Servo: She's got that healthy clown glow.
Marfushka: Oh, no?
Stepmother: You are a queen!
Mike: In that you look like Freddie Mercury.
Stepmother: Nope! Not a princess.
Servo: She's got that healthy clown glow.
Marfushka: Oh, no?
Stepmother: You are a queen!
Mike: In that you look like Freddie Mercury.
[The face on Marian's tombstone briefly appears to morph into a skull as Eric looks at it.]
Servo [as Eric]: Don't you make that skull face at me, missy!
Servo [as Eric]: Don't you make that skull face at me, missy!
[The farmer is repeatedly stabbed with a pitchfork.]
Mike: The American Gothic people take revenge.
. . .
[Fade to table of people laughing]
Crow: [as if one of them were telling the last scene like a story] And then he died!
[all laugh]
Mike: The American Gothic people take revenge.
. . .
[Fade to table of people laughing]
Crow: [as if one of them were telling the last scene like a story] And then he died!
[all laugh]
[The Fat Man enters "The Place" and sits down.]
Mike [as the Fat Man]: All I can eat? The joke's on them!
Mike [as the Fat Man]: All I can eat? The joke's on them!
[The film ends just before the kickoff.]
Announcer: There's nothing quite like it. Super Bowl. Three hours from now the game will be history, but the lives of the players and fans alike will never be the same.
Servo: [annoyed] Who won?
Crow: I know I'll never be quite the same.
Joel: This movie's history.
Crow: We're history.
Joel: Let's go.
[Joel and Crow get up to leave. Servo hangs back.]
Servo: Who won? ... Who won? ... Who won the game?!
Announcer: There's nothing quite like it. Super Bowl. Three hours from now the game will be history, but the lives of the players and fans alike will never be the same.
Servo: [annoyed] Who won?
Crow: I know I'll never be quite the same.
Joel: This movie's history.
Crow: We're history.
Joel: Let's go.
[Joel and Crow get up to leave. Servo hangs back.]
Servo: Who won? ... Who won? ... Who won the game?!
[The film is credited as "A Tjardus Greidanus Film".]
Mike: I understand everything up to the word "A".
Crow: He comes from a long line of great anuses.
. . .
Crow: That's an anagram for "direct to video!"
Mike: I understand everything up to the word "A".
Crow: He comes from a long line of great anuses.
. . .
Crow: That's an anagram for "direct to video!"
[The film keeps cutting between Rowsdower's broken-down pickup, a poorly-repainted Gran Torino, and a stolen ten-speed bike.]
Crow: [frustrated] I'm losing track of the crappy vehicles here!
Crow: [frustrated] I'm losing track of the crappy vehicles here!
[The film opens with a movie logo for Medallion TV.]
Mike: Hey, I have my 40-year TV medallion.
Servo: [singing] What do you do when you're branded?
Crow: [singing] You watch TV.
Mike: Hey, I have my 40-year TV medallion.
Servo: [singing] What do you do when you're branded?
Crow: [singing] You watch TV.
[The film opens with a view through a bedroom window, with a crash of lightning and the sound of thunder.]
Crow: It was a dark and stormy night. I'd taken a creative writing class.
Crow: It was a dark and stormy night. I'd taken a creative writing class.
[The film opens with a woman, wearing only a bra and slip, running frantically down a road.]
Mike: She must be one of Senator Packwood's aides.
Mike: She must be one of Senator Packwood's aides.
[The film opens with women wrestling to the sound of foley-added screaming.]
Crow: Is there a midway nearby?
. . .
Mike: Hey, it's that one woman in the front row making all the noise!
Crow [as usher]: Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to settle down.
Crow: Is there a midway nearby?
. . .
Mike: Hey, it's that one woman in the front row making all the noise!
Crow [as usher]: Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to settle down.