Susan and Ben in “Ding Dong Merrily”

Why are you always convinced that Christmas is going to be a disaster?

Because it always is. It's traditional.

No it isn't.

There you go, always looking to the negative. You know I'm right; look at last year.

We all had a lovely time.

Oh yeah, you did. I got beaten up by carol singers...

Ah, yes...lovely voices.

The year before that there was the turkey.

OK, so it needed to stay in for a bit longer.

Susan, it was still alive. I'm trying to forget the year of the puppy.

Oh, the puppy...yes, that was sad, wasn't it? But those aren't reasons to hate Christmas.

Alright, try these: you have to jolly up to people you normally wouldn't bother to rescue from drowning; you get drunken men in suits vomiting in your flowerbeds; you're effectively trapped in the house with the central heating on full blast; and then someone throws a log on the fire because they think it's festive!