Mr. Show quotes

217 total quotes



All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
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Craig/Jeepers Creepers (David/Jack Black): I was on the eighteenth hole!!!

Dad of "gay" son (John Ennis): You gay bastard!!! No gay son of mine isn't not-gay, you better get gay or I'll make you gay!!!

David: Bob's in there fuckin' shit up old-school, and I got kicked OUTTA school!

David: Perhaps I might have picked something up when I was in London a few whiffens past.

Dr. Ken Schwartz of "No Adults Allowed" (Bob): I tell ya, this generation is worse than the hippies, the flappers, and the Nazis combined...at least the hippies gave us those fat watchbands, and the flappers could dance, and the Nazis had that song "Eight Days a Week".

Droopy (Bob): Keep the shaaaaaahnge.

Ernie (Bob): Oh, Nancy. You cannot fly. Only British people can fly! You shouldn't try to fly, and you shouldn't listen to British people!

Ernie (Bob): She didn't believe me when I said the pan was super.

Ernie (Bob): The super pan is not magical. It will burn you.

F.F. Woodycooks (Bob): The guard knew he needed to conserve energy...and had had a large dinner.

F.F. Woodycooks (Bob): You said it crime-stick! Those two were a couple of ding-a-lings! ... Now, who wants ice cream? If you want to learn more about how to take back the streets, and how sweet ice cream is, visit any one of my three ice cream-precinct locations.

Gary, the blind guy Bob "helps" (David): Bob? BOB?! I don't spend my day fucking around on a television show. I have a company to run.

Globo-Chem Theme Parks Division chairman (Bob): We are sensitive to the needs of those suffering from homophobia. So in our new San Francisco, we got rid of the dirt, but kept the pansies by creating "Bachelorland".

Globo-Chem Theme Parks Division chairman (Bob): When you see the new San Francisco, you'll say "San Fran-tastic!"

Gold tooth in "Rap The Musical" (Bob): Well, I'm an old gold tooth, and I'll tell you the truth. I live in the mouth of my homie.