“Whither Canada?” quotes from Monty Python's Flying Circus

I can't tell the difference between Whizzo butter and this dead crab.

Yes, we find that 9 out of 10 British housewives can't tell the difference between Whizzo Butter and a dead crab.

It's true… We can't… No.

Here. Here! You're on television, aren't you?

[humbly] Yes, yes…

He does the thing with one of those silly women who can't tell Whizzo Butter [points with handbag at the butter] from a dead crab [points with handbag at the dead crab].

Yeah, yeah.

You try that around here, young man, and we'll slit your face.

[quietly] Yeah, with a razor.

Get your own arts programme, you fairy!

This morning, shortly after 11:00, comedy struck this little house on Dibley Road. Sudden...violent...comedy.

It was a fantastic success. Over 60,000 times as powerful as Britain's great pre-war joke [Cut to stock footage of Neville Chamberlain returning from Munich and holding up the Munich Agreement, the "this is peace in our time"-bit.], and one which Hitler just couldn't match.

[subtitle] My dog's got no nose!

[subtitle] How does he smell?

[subtitle] Awful!

In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.