[Pointing to photograph] This is you... and this is me mum. Mary. M-Mary Samson.
This is so weird. Your mum's Mary Samson? She had a nickname. What was it? Everyone used to call her... Mary, something Mary... Oh, what was it? Ma... Oh.
Anyway... me mum worked out a timeline on her pregnancy, when I must have been conceived. It was at this party. She says one of the guys in the photograph must be me dad. Me real dad. Only, she had a few drinks that night and can't for the life of her remember who she had sex with, which I find deeply disturbing on so many levels. So I guess... me question to you... and trust me, never in me worst nightmares did I ever think I'd be going around repeatedly asking this, but... me question is... did you shag me mum?
Are you saying that I'm your...?
Looks that way. Take your time.
Um... I've got a son! Look at you. Y- You're all grown up. I- I- I've missed so much. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. [Clicks fingers] Anal Mary! Your mum's nickname. Everyone used to call her Anal Mary. You know, I'm pretty sure I'm not your dad.
You said you had sex with her.
Ahh... There's no easy way to say this, but, um... I fucked your mum up the arse. It's her thing, you know. Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. Oh! Anal Mary. How is your mum? She, er, single?
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