Friends? I see... I have the perfect song for you. (sings) "No one with a penis is really your friend, they say they are but it's all pretend, he listens to your problems every time he phones you, but he's really not, he just wants to bone you!"
“From Mariachi Mencia”
Dos tequilas for the table por favor, both of them for the lady.
Barkeep: "And if that doesn't work, here's some Vaseline and tissues on the house!"
(sings) Three dollar tip? ACHMED, KISS MY ASS! You charge more for a Gallon of GAS!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mind of Mencia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.