That fat bloke pushed his way to the front again.
Isn't that Richard Gere?
You've left it a bit late, haven't you? She's probably off to see this new bloke now.
No, she saw him last night.
That must be why she was looking so knackered.
If you must know, they were up late playing chess
Is that what she told you?
What's that supposed to mean?
No, you're probably right actually. When you first start seeing someone, you can't stop playing chess with each other, can you? You meet to go to a movie, have a quick game of chess before you go, rush home afterwards have another game of chess. Possibly in the shower, when you're all soapy. Then in the morning, you play with each other's pieces again. Even if you've woken up in the night and whopped your bishop out. Then you see her bending over to do her shoes up, and you can't resist giving her a right good chessing before she goes to work.
Bye, Graham, nice to meet you. Must have a game of chess some time.
GGraham
Sorry, I don't play chess.
What?
GGraham
I don't play chess.
Oh, you "don't play chess"?
GGraham
No, I don't
You, don't play chess! HOW DARE YOU NOT PLAY CHESS WITH MY DOROTHY!
GGraham
Well, I'm sorry.
GET OUT OF MY FLAT, THE PAIR OF YOU!
GGraham
[to Dorothy] Is he always like this?
GET OFF TO YOUR POXY HOSPITAL, AND DON'T PLAY CHESS TOGETHER! GET OUT!
Don't mind them. We could have a game of chess if you want to.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Men Behaving Badly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.