Al and Victor in “Buck Saves The Day”

Al

Once upon a time, there was a young boy. A boy, full of hope. He was single, thus he was happy. Then, one night, much like tonight. Something rose from the swamp. He heard a noise behind him. Thump-thump, thump-thump. He walked a little faster. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. And then he saw it. And there, in the light of a bar...stood the evil, red-headed, high-heeled, spandex monster. He ran from it. He stood it up. He dated others, but nothing could stop it. He could hear its wild call: (scrunches up his face, in a high voice): Oh, honey! Honey! It was horrible. Finally, it trapped him. Opened, opened its hideous mouth, bared its fangs, and said, (scrunches his face up again, in the same high voice): Marry me!

And did he marry it, Dan'l?

Al

Yes, I'm afraid he did. And he was never heard from again. But the worst part of it is... there's still some of them out there. There might be one... (points) behind that tree!

Al

Then again, there might not be. But beware. Because wherever a man is free and has change in his pockets, they'll come a-creeping, and they can't be stopped. Now sleep... if you can. (laughs evilly)