Francis and Inuit Man in “Cynthia's Back”

Francis

I have fasted, I have meditated, I got frostbite spending a night in the wilderness! I just want to know what to do! What am I missing?! Okay, let's see, there's a wolf. What's that? Loyalty! And the eagle. Keen insight. Insight! And the frog is...bug-eating! BUT WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! Please, just give me a sign or-or a signal or-or something! [The door bursts open and an Inuit man steps in] Oh, my God!

You the dirtbag that took my pole?!

Francis

Huh?

That's my pole. I want it back!

Francis

Oh, of course. I'm so sorry. Look, I didn't take it, but, please, I'm going crazy. Can you tell me what it means?

Well, if I hit it, it means I'm five inches away from the back of my carport.

Francis

What?! You use this as a wheel stop? This beautiful, sacred thing?

Sacred? It's a decoration. You know, like a coat of arms or a storybook. It's a pretty chunk of wood that my kids helped me carve on a nice Saturday afternoon.

Francis

But you can't tell me you can't feel the energy...!

You white boys are all the same. [sarcastic] I've got dark skin, so I must dance with the bears and listen to the spirit of the wind! [angry] I've got news for you. I work for a living! I'm a Baptist, and I'm proud of it!

Francis

But... are you sure?

And by the way, I have only one word for snow... SNOW!