Mad quotes

Seriously? No one's gonna help me?

[reveals the liquid was just butter] Hey, that's not water! It's butter!

The Bungee Bunk: ignore the warnings.

Money Diapers: another terrible product from Bad Ideas, Inc.

[as other rockets scare the audience] Oh, boy. You guys are not gonna believe what I did here.

Ain't I a stinker. [segment closes]

Hello? Is anyone listening to these jokes? Hello?

[to Ernie, focusing the seatbelts] Look, Ernie! My seatbelt is "open", now it's "closed". "Open", now it's "closed".

Will you two stay still?

This is "up", and this is "down". This is "up" and this is... [gets sucked into space]

Correction. Make that two confirmed survivors.

Dude, you're going the wrong way!

[sees the dog on the ice cream cone] Good thing he skipped the peanuts.

Hey, fella! Why don't you come over and test your strength?

Uh, okay! [grabs a mallet] Bye! [lifts the seesaw, little boy is thrown in air and never comes back]

Actually, this is the "Test Your Strength" machine. That was my son's teeter-totter.

Gonna be in big trouble with the wife, that's for sure.

The Invisibility Shop: Our prices are so low, they're invisible! No, they're not really. We list them.

E.T. phone home...oh, thank you. [to cell phone] Hey, you left me on Earth. Come back. Also, [sees the burglars from Home Alone] the Earth is being robbed. Call 911.