MacGyver quotes from MacGyver

My husband's name is… Nicholai Kossov.

Kossov? Major Nicholai Kossov? I know him. I escaped from him in Hungary.

Jack

Maybe she's alive.

No. I saw her die... I killed her.

Pete

Since when are you a magician?

Jack

When? I have studied at the feet of Hindu mystics! Climbed the hidden mountains of Tibet to learn the lost secrets of that unknown kingdom. I have delved into…

… a magic course he got selling magazines in the tenth grade.

Jack

Excuse me. This is a closed rehearsal.

Oh, like the time you tried to pull a silk scarf out of the principal's ear and got his toupée instead?

I was ordered to attract you, yes. It was my job. But you must know, MacGyver. It was not all lies. There were real feelings, too.

I wish I could believe that.

Jack, doesn't this remind you of the time you were climbing through that Mayan pyramid full of snakes and spiders?

Jack

Did I tell you about that?

In great detail.

Jack

Well, actually, I didn't exactly participate in that crawl. But I saw the movie.

That's a comfort.

There's a great deal I want to tell you.

Why bother?

I will take care of MacGyver.

Why?

Good question.

In case you have forgotten, Major, we are not really married. This is my business.

But Nicholai attempted to escape. A fatal mistake.

Are you telling me he's dead?

Very.

Arnold Palmer's birthday. Pete's hero.

Jack

How in God's name can you know Arnold Palmer's birthday?!

Doesn't everyone?

Jack

(talking with a flashlight in his mouth) Haw muff fuffa?

You studyin' Russian?

And my death was faked so that your people would believe the information I gave you. I had to authenticate it by dying.

And now you come back to life to con me into stealing the dragon. Pretty complicated.

The Ming Dragon is a major treasure of the People's Republic of China. And the United States agent stole it.

Ah. But, brave Soviet agents are going to recover it. And, in a gesture of socialist solidarity, hand it back to Beijing, right?

Yes.

[sarcastically] Gee, that's neat. General Racoubian moves up a couple of notches, maybe to Politburo... and little Lisa comes right along. Good career move.

[drops her eyes in shame]

Pete

[after shopkeeper demands $7.50 in payment for a Dragon statue] Oh. Sure. I can handle that.

I'd say that's a real bargain.

Pete

[MacGyver picks out two bills from Pete's wallet] Those are twenty's!

[giving the money to shopkeeper] Keep the change.

EASY! EASY! TAKE IT EASY! I WANT TO MAKE A DEAL WITH YA. You don't scream, I don't scream. How bout that?

Okay, Can I trust ya? Alright, I want you to turn arround very slowly...

ALRIGHT WHO ARE YOU?

It'll come to me. What have you got in your bag?

Just This. Cocks Gun Now who are you?

[voice-over narration]

Anyone who sounds like this should be home in bed. The fact is, I was but after a weekend of hearing myself sneeze, I was desperate. So, here I am, searching for the ingredients to old home remedy.

Excuse me, could you tell me where where I could find some eucalyptus leaves?

(sarcastically) Australia.

Thanks for your help.