Jack quotes from MacGyver

Jack

Welcome To CLUB DREAD!

Jack

Well I didn't come here to be shunned. I wouldn't shun you. Why would you shun me? I hate being shunned.

Jack

Maybe she's alive.

No. I saw her die... I killed her.

Pete

Since when are you a magician?

Jack

When? I have studied at the feet of Hindu mystics! Climbed the hidden mountains of Tibet to learn the lost secrets of that unknown kingdom. I have delved into…

… a magic course he got selling magazines in the tenth grade.

Jack

Excuse me. This is a closed rehearsal.

Oh, like the time you tried to pull a silk scarf out of the principal's ear and got his toupée instead?

Jack, doesn't this remind you of the time you were climbing through that Mayan pyramid full of snakes and spiders?

Jack

Did I tell you about that?

In great detail.

Jack

Well, actually, I didn't exactly participate in that crawl. But I saw the movie.

That's a comfort.

You were both unbelievable.

Jack

Ah, shucks, ma'am, you're just saying that because it's true.

Arnold Palmer's birthday. Pete's hero.

Jack

How in God's name can you know Arnold Palmer's birthday?!

Doesn't everyone?

Jack

(talking with a flashlight in his mouth) Haw muff fuffa?

You studyin' Russian?

[voice-over narration] Three and a half weeks. Two continents, five countries, one island, about nine thousand miles and I was wasted. Right now, I was looking forward to miles and miles of nothing happening, except sleep.

Jack

Welcome home!

No.

Jack

Ah, the man's overcome with emotion.

No, just overcome.

Jack

I just taped over some old movie.

My classic western collection!

We're officially crooks until we square with the police. Which means we should get a line on those jewels.

Jack

MacGyver, we're wanted criminals; we just broke out of a torture chamber by slugging an inspector of police and the head of security for the richest woman in the universe.

We've got no choice. Either we're innocent—or we're dead.

Well. Sorry to bust in on you like this.

Pete

What kept ya?

Jack

Are we great or what. What a team and since we're already all here together, I heard about this sunken treasure. Fifty million dollars in Nazi gold. See, this ship was torpedoed right off the coast and the gold was lost. All we gotta do is get a diving bell and three bathing suits and...

Jack

Oh, come on, Mac. Where's your sense of adventure? What happened to that will o' the wisp guy I've come to know and love?

He's skiing. At a resort, where the greatest danger is an overpopulated hot tub.

Jack

Hey, we're not dead yet! MacGyver's going to get us out of here. Aren't you, MacGyver?

(inspecting the barricade) Haven't got a clue.

Jack

Mac, that's not like you.

This door is over a foot thick!