“Pilot” quotes from Lucky Louie

What?

Louie

What do you mean "what?"

I mean "what the fuck?"

What do think Louie? This morning she just woke up and looked at your dirty freckled cock... and thought to herself 'Oh yeah, I want that stuck in me'

Stop thinking about money, the only thing you should be thinking about ...is all. this. ASS.

Louie

(to her ass) WE CAN'T AFFORD IT

Yeah talk to it baby.

Louie

Look. I would love to tap that ass...

So tap it!

Louie

I want to.. But my dick is too aware that your pussy is a chamber of financial ruin

Are you serious??

Louie

I'm sorry, I need at least three thousand dollars in an interest bearing account to get fully hard

Louie

You were right. She was just trying to get pregnant.

Mike

So what?

Louie

So? I gotta choose between another kid or no sex for another year.

Mike

Ahh, go ahead. Have another one. That's how life goes.

Mike

(Contemplating) You fuck. You have kids. You eat. That's all.

Mike

(Takes a drag) Look at me.

Louie

The day you get married you realize "Shit! I can't leave now. I wasn't thinking of leaving but now I REALLY can't leave".

Mike

See, you're just on your first wife. Now with your first wife you make all the mistakes. With your second wife, you try to correct those mistakes, but you make new, worse ones. But the third wife, heh. Ahh that's a marriage.

Hey man, I guess it's worth it if I can help one little white girl learn the difference between a black man and a refrigerator.