Harriet quotes from Little House on the Prairie

Mrs. Oleson, you are not paying me enough to be insulted. Now, my advice to you is...

Harriet

Don't you advise me, young man! You come in here and...

WILL YOU BE QUIET?! Now, my advice to you is to forget about Nellie's Place. If Caroline's willing to stay and run the place, fine. Otherwise, forget it. Your daughter has no intention of making a go of it.

Harriet

How can you be a Peeping Tom?

Willie

I can't. My name's Willie!

Caroline

Please leave, Mrs. Oleson.

Harriet

Mrs. Ingalls, I am trying very hard to be your friend, and I would think you would show a little more appreciation. After all, you are going to be that child's grandmother!

Caroline

Mrs. Oleson, I will go to Church on Sunday, and I will ask God to forgive me for this. [throws a ball of dough in Mrs. Oleson's face] On second thought, I think the good Lord would have done the same thing! [throws her apron down and walks away]

Harriet

[during the court proceedings for James and Cassandra] Oh, how I wish I could be a little fly on that wall!

Nels

So do I. Flies have a tendency to get swatted.

Harriet

Ah, good morning, Laura and Jenny.

Good morning, Mrs. Oleson.

Jenny

How did that woman know my name?

That's Mrs. Oleson. She knows everything that goes on in Walnut Grove and what she doesn't know, she makes up!

Nancy

You love her but you hate me!

Harriet

Oh! Oh Nancy!

Nels

[about Nancy] Harriet, you are finally going to have to do something about that child. I don't know what, but during the last two weeks, she's gotten almost as bad as when she first came here.

Harriet

[hears Nancy slamming and breaking things upstairs] Oh, dear. Nels, what's she done now?

Nels

Well, among other things, she poured ink all over Willie's head.

Harriet

Oh, the poor child. You know, Nels, she probably....she probably isn't getting enough attention.

Nels

Not enough attention? That's all she gets is attention! Something has got to be done!

Nels

[to Harriet] You deliberately snubbed Doc Baker.

Harriet

Oh, did I?

Nels

Yes! He's a fine man, and he's a--

Harriet

He's a quack! That's what he is!

Nels

He's a friend of mine! And as long as he is, you will be civil to him.

Harriet

Oh, is that so?

Nels

Yes, that's so. And please keep your totally irresponsible opinions of him to yourself.

Harriet

Irresponsible?!?!?

Nels

Yes!

Harriet

That man should thank his stars that he is walking around free, and not behind bars where he belongs. Why, he as much as murdered Laura's child!

Nels

That's not true!

Harriet

It is true! And Laura herself believes it!

Nels

Laura is a disturbed person! A person in her condition has got to have somebody to blame. Time will bring her around, but you have no reason to--

Harriet

You listen to me, Nels Oleson and you listen with both of your ears! The town has turned against Doc Baker.

Nels

With no small thanks to you, I'm sure.

Harriet

Because he's incompetent, that's why! Can't you get it through your head? I will never, and our children will never go into his office ever again because if we do, that's irresponsible! [storms out]

Willie

Mother? I have something to say to you, and I'm only going to say it once, so I want you to pay attention.

Harriet

Willie, there's nothing that you have to say--

Willie

Mother, I'm talking! You're listening! You've been complaining to me and to Father, and to anyone else in Walnut Grove that'll listen to you that Rachel is ruining my life. Now, I've kept quiet about it because I thought you'd realize how wrong you are, but I'm not going to keep quiet about it any longer. If anyone is ruining my chances for a happy life around here, you are!

Harriet

Me?!

Willie

Yes, you! Rachel is my best chance for a happy life, and I don't ever want to hear you say another unkind word about her. Now, we are going to open up the restaurant, and you can stay here until you accept the fact that Rachel and I are getting married, because that's exactly what we are gonna do!

Harriet

Oh, fine, fine! Fine, go ahead! Marry her, marry her! What do I care? I won't be there, I promise you that!

Willie

Fine! That's your decision. Oh, and by the way, Mr. Edwards is going to be my best man! [he and Rachel leave]

Harriet

Oh, there, you see? Do you see what that-that wench has done to him?

Nels

[about Rachel and Willie's wedding] Brings back memories, doesn't it, Harriet? Remember how upset my mother was? She didn't want me to quit college and get married. I believe she said that it would ruin my life. But she was wrong. Marrying you was the smartest thing I ever did.

Harriet

Do you really mean that?

Nels

If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Harriet

Nels?

Nels

Yes, dear?

Harriet

Can I ask you something?

Nels

Yes, dear.

Harriet

Am I fat?

Nels

Yes, dear.