Derek: This sounds like it was written by a 10 year old!
Edwin: Yeah! It was.
S1 E5Grade-Point: Average
Sam: Maybe we can work on the project together?
Derek: Thanks, but I don't think both of us failing is the answer.
S1 E6The Wedding
VVicky
What are you doing?
(hugging Vicky) Don't ask. Just hug.
Well, you don't have to worry about me ruining your mother's wedding because I quit! And if I could quit being your cousin, I'd quit that too! (storms out)
VVicky
Fine! Quit all you want! I don't want to be part of the stupid wedding or your stupid wedding reception! I'm going to my room!
LLizzie
You don't live here.
VVicky
I'm going to your room!
LLizzie
Upstairs on the right.
S1 E7The Pox Father
George: ...but neither of us would be sick if it wasn't for him. (glances up at Derek)
Derek: Just call me the Pox Father. (chuckles)
S1 E9Marti the Monster
Marti: (about eating chicken fingers for dinner) Derek would let me.
Casey: Oh, he would, would he?
Marti: Yeah.
Casey: Well, would Derek let you do this?
Nora: I'm sorry, Edwin. (to Casey) I need to borrow a "sock."
Casey: (catching on) Uh, Mom, I don't think my "sock" would fit your "feet".
S1 E10Sweet Misery
Paul: So this has brought you and Derek closer together?
Casey: [smiling] Not at all! The worm is gonna squirm.
Paul: You know, if you give love, you get love.
S1 E11Babe Raider
Edwin: (to Casey while she's playing Babe Raider) Wow, you kick butt for a girl! Actually, you kick butt for anybody!
S1 E12All Systems No Go
Marti: I hit Dimi.
George: But it was an accident, right, Marti?
Marti: No. Dimi bugged me, so I gave him the ol' one-two.
Nora: Marti, that's terrible! You never hit someone!
Marti: But Dimi's a doofus!
George: Marti, upstairs, now!
Marti: You're mean!
George: I'm sure Marti is very sorry.
Marti: No, I'm not! Crybaby!
Nora: Oh, great! We're the next door neighbours from Hell!!
Paul:(to Casey)I would never call you a freak.
S1 E13Male Code Blue
Lizzie: [scoring the 'How Well Do You Know Your Kids?' quiz] Let's see: you didn't know my GYM teacher's name...
Nora: Jim, the gym teacher.
Lizzie: You got Edwin's birthday wrong, day and year.
George: I was told there'd be no math.
Lizzie: And neither of you knew Derek's been stealing my Tooth Fairy money.
Nora: Yes, but technically that wasn't part of the quiz.
Lizzie: Fine, I won't count it. But that still gives you 2 out of 20. And any score less than 6, I'm supposed to call a social worker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Life With Derek pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.