Helen DeVries, Falco and others in “Publish and Perish”

Samantha Savage was a home video hooker who couldn't write a sentence if you spotted her the noun and the verb. I came up with the idea for the book, found the ghostwriter, edited the manuscript, chose the cover art. I took that silicone-stuffed bimbo and turned her into a best-selling author. How does she repay me? By taking her follow-up how-to sex manual to Knopf.

So you made her a success, and she runs off to the competition?

In a nutshell.

That would have made me mad as hell.

Oh, you have no idea.