Clegg quotes from Last of the Summer Wine

Clegg

This fellow, he picks up this tiny bird in his hands, and carries its quivering little body across this busy junction, and feeds it to his cat. Life's like that: a complex texture of conflicting moralities.

Clegg

If God's omnipotent, what could he possibly want with my old woman?

Clegg

Why is it, if there's such a shortage of oil, it keeps appearing on my trouser bottom?

Clegg

(referring to Foggy) You seem to have changed it from bicycle polo to bicycle water polo!

(referring to Compo) He's still calling for me in broad daylight!

Clegg

Tell the neighbours he doesn't belong to you, you're just looking after him for somebody.

(Fiddling with his camera) You know, I must get a light meter.

Clegg

I should get a heavy one. You'll pay more, but it'll last longer.

Compo

(referring to Foggy) What's he doing now?

Clegg

He's doing alright. You get depressed sometimes and begin to believe there aren't any real, old fashioned idiots left, and then, out of the blue, comes a genuine, fourteen carat, gilded barmpot like this!

(referring to Compo) That man has a hole in his trousers!

Clegg

Yes, it's just his way of showing his individuality.

Compo

It's because they're ashamed of me, because I'm scruffy!

Clegg

I wouldn't say scruffy. (to Truly) Would you say scruffy?

Truly

...Yes, I'd say scruffy.

Clegg

Well, if you're just going to be honest all the time.

Compo

"Could this be the missing piece?" he asks himself. "Could this be the thing that works the magic with Nora Batty?"

Truly

"Could this be a total idiot?" he asks himself.

Clegg

Close.

Truly

D'you think the dead ever see a sunrise?

Clegg

Yes, I do, actually.

Truly

Even those who don't get up very early?

Clegg

Even them. Maybe that's what Paradise is: a place where the sun doesn't come up until you're ready.

Truly

You think he was heavenly material, do you?

Clegg

Certainly. "To be as little children" – that was him.