“Who Can Imitate the Other Guy Better?” quotes from Kenny vs. Spenny

Kenny

There's nothing more important to Spenny than being me, being in love with me, wanting to emulate me, and become...the son of God.

You are the last person on the planet that I wanna be like. Do you understand that?

Kenny

It's gonna be very hard for me to impersonate Spenny. Really what I have to do is: masturbate in playgrounds...what else do you do?

Fuck squirrels...in the park.

Kenny

In the park? I thought it was in the ass.

I'm a crack addict...

Kenny

Guys cracks.

Umm...what else do I do? I'm a necrophiliac.

Kenny

Oh, one sec, you are a...shit eating...

Oh, that's right. I'm a shit eating fuck head. See I'm going to win, because I've captured your essence. I have to be him. Feel sorry for me.

Kenny

In other words, it's time for him to become funny, and for me to stop being funny.

People think I'm funny.

Kenny

Looking

What the fuck are you doing? Oh My God! Kenny what is that? That can't be.

Kenny

What is it? It's dinner.

Is that real fuckin' poo?

Kenny

Kenny if you're gonna interrupt my dinner you might as well set up a plate and sit down.

Ok this is fuckin' ridiculous. I've never done anything like that in my life. Ever!

Kenny

Oh no, I'm allergic to peanuts! [Spitting out fake feces]

This is completely ridic - what are you doing?! Is that fuckin' poo?

It's just brownie mix, cake.

You're ruining my fuckin' shirt. The fuckin' toilet looks like shit. [Kenny spits up more poo] Me at the toilet eating shit is fuckin' beyond the pale, BEYOND THE PALE!

I pooped my panties!

Spencer, no! That's too much!

I got poo-poo on my nose! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

Spencer, that's enough! Out! Get out!

[breaking character] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's what your son's like. You know what he did today? He made, uh, fake poo, and ate it, pretending to be me. That's what he did today.

That's why he's so funny.

You think that's funny?

I think that's funny.

And this isn't funny?

No, this is messy.

Ok, I don't give a fuck if I'm in character or not. This is character assassination, this has nothing to do with my character! He's got dildos, books, gay magazines, condoms, and what the fuck is this? [referring to a stain on his bed] He pissed my bed! He pissed my bed! He pissed my bed! This is bullshit man. Fuck!

This whole thing is fucking ridiculous. It has degenerated into a cartoon. I'm sick of him [Kenny], I'm sick of being him, and the coffee, and the mother jokes, and eating the fucking shit. Is he just walking all over me and I'm allowing him to do it? Do I have to debase myself, and go down to his level? And roll in the mud? Is that what this is all about? And maybe right now, maybe right now I should be doing Kenny, but I... I can't, I don't have it in me. The well is dry. I have nothing left. I have nothing left to give. Because becoming Kenny Hotz, even for this short period of time, I think it has damaged my soul. I do. I think I've actually damaged my soul. I think I'm going to have to repair myself, to get back to what I used to be, what I am and what I always wanted to be, is what I should be. And I'm not perfect. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not. I just try to be good. That's all I do.