Homicide: Life on the Street quotes

Kellerman

What do you do for fun, Frank?

Pembleton

Define "fun".

Kellerman

Fun is when you do something exciting, maybe dangerous, with the possibility that you're gonna feel really good before it's all over.

Pembleton

Oh, you mean work.

Kellerman

No, I don't mean work. I mean... sucking unfiltered Camels until you get headaches and snagging a 50-pound marlin on the line, and guzzling Wild Turkey until you puke, and running around the block all night and shooting pool for money against mentally defective bikers. Stuff like that.

Pembleton

I don't have time for fun.

Kellerman

Then what the hell gets you up in the morning? You gotta believe in something.

Pembleton

Well, you can't believe in fun. That's not a faith.

Kellerman

Fun is my god, Frank. I worship fun, I live for fun, and when I die, I hope that I'm having fun. Like that upstate car dealer, -- You remember him? He had a heart attack while nailing his beautiful, young mistress. Came and went. Now, that's the way to die.

Pembleton

Smoke a cigarette, please.

Giardello

I sent Bolander and Felton on that conference because I thought it'd be good for them. How was I to know that when they got there they'd turn into Dumb and Dumber?!

Kellerman

There's no absolutes in life; only in vodka.

Giardello

You found the whorehouse?

Bayliss

On wheels.

Kellerman

Sort of a good-humor truck for sex. Wonder if they ring a bell.

Giardello

There are no real masterminds out there. Mostly we're dealing with people who think they are. If they think at all. Problem is, there's so many of them.

Kellerman

I don't get it.

Giardello

You don't hafta get it. You'll sleep better if you don't know. Give me the where, the what, the when - the why - is a thing we can live without. Homicide is the elite of the police force. There is no higher calling.

Munch

Who lobbies for nothing?

Bayliss

You do, Munch. Every day, in every way, you lobby for nothing.

Bayliss

The doctor says I have a degenerative disc in my back.

Munch

I had that.

Bayliss

You did?

Munch

Mm-hm.

Bayliss

And it went away?

Munch

Well, not that really. What I had was a degenerate disc.

Howard

A degenerate disc, Munch?

Munch

Yeah, see every time a pretty girl walked by, my neck would go like this, completely and involuntarily. It went away as I matured though.

Howard

When did that happen? I must've missed that.

Lewis

Lemme tell you one thing alright? You gotta do everything I say.

Kellerman

Well, there's nothing I won't do; but some things are gonna cost you extra.

Kellerman

You know, he shouldn't leave a department vehicle running like that.

Lewis

Yeah, could get stolen.

Kellerman

Lieutanant said take the first car in.

Lewis

We shouldn't.

Kellerman

You're right.

Lewis

Grand theft auto, baby. [they drive off in the car, as Pembleton comes back out]

Pembleton

You sons of bitches!

Russert

Sometimes, the best way to lead is to follow.

Munch

A bar is like the Box. People instinctively want to confess.

Howard

[laughing] I got nothing to confess... I'm not guilty of anything. I'm trying to do my new job as well as I can... [sighs loudly] I try be helpful...People think I'm overbearing, condescending. You were right not to take that exam...It's not so much that I got in Lewis' way... I got in my own way, you know? How could I do that? Work, home... oh my god, listen to me, I am confessing. [sips on her gin fizz drink, embarrassed] This is delicious!

Munch

Want to dance?

Howard

[laughs loudly] No!

Munch

[laughs] Yes! No one'll see, there's no one conscious here! A few smooth steps on the floor... [Munch turns on the jukebox] Have a little fun.

Howard

...No.

Munch

C'mon Kay, let's dance.

Howard

No... [laughs again]

Munch

I'll let you lead, alright? C'mon.

Howard

...Let me lead, alright? You're easy to follow.

Bayliss

And why does every question that is put to you have to end up like a discussion on Meet The Press? Just answer the damn question, "Como se fue su fin de semana?" How was your weekend, Frank?

Pembleton

May I? It el suck-oed the big-o weiner-o. There, I'm bilingual.

Bayliss

You are the ugly American.

Pembleton

Don't get personal.

Bayliss

Business or pleasure?

Pembleton

One doesn't carry a beeper for pleasure.

Bayliss

Hookers do.

Pembleton

Prostitution is business; not pleasure.

Bayliss

Yeah, I still don't get that.

Bayliss

Wow, death is so weird. It's like, you just squeeze the trigger and kill a person with so little effort. What's that like, to be so empty of compassion, to take a life in your hands and just pop, pop, pop? No fear of hell, no fear of lethal injection. No fear at all.

Bayliss

You're a killer, Newton.

No, I'm a Presbyterian.