Hawaii Five-0 · Season 1
Hey, it’s the CHiPs! Remember CHiPs?
Of course I remember CHiPs. I always thought that’d be the coolest job—you know, riding motorcycles, fighting crime…
No, no, motorcycle cops have a five-times-higher mortality rate than other cops.
It’s a cop fantasy, Danny; why do you gotta bring statistics into it?
Cop fantasy... In my cop fantasy, I’d be Estrada, and you’d be Wilcox.
I don't think so, baby.
[while following a suspect]
Hey, not so close, Wilcox.
Don’t tell me how to tail a suspect. And if this was CHiPs, I’d be Estrada, you’d be Wilcox, all right?
I don't think so.
So what about Han-Chi? Where does he fit in all this?
Who?
"Who"? What are you, an owl?
[After closing the case, Steve and Danny are watching CHiPs in the office.]
Estrada was a bad bitch, man.
Yup. That's why there's no way.
Wait a minute. Why can't I be Estrada?
In a world where I didn't exist, you could be whatever you want.
That world sounds lovely.
[Danny finds out that Steve has found someone to babysit Grace and it turns out to be Kamekona]
Howzit, bruddah? I hear you got a high-priority assignment for me.
High-pri––Yeah. [looks at Steve] Are you sure this is a good idea?
He looked after my sister.
Yeah, I know, and your sister ran away.
Hey.
That's bulai, brah. She tricked me. Playing on my emotional vulnerabilities.
That part's true.
Shut up, you.
And besides, I'm great with keikis. I got this.
[Steve gets a call from Mamo 'Kahike]
Mamo, what's up?
Bro, you gotta get these cops off my back. They want me to board up and get off the beach.
Just do as they say, Mamo, okay? There's a tsunami coming. It's not safe to be on the beach.
Steve, I was here in '60, '64 and '75. I seen them all. I know the water. There's no tsunami in here today.
Okay, listen, I hear you, but you gotta get out of there just in case.
Okay, bro, but I'm telling you, somebody's blowing smoke up somebody's okole.
Just be safe, Mamo.
Is there a relay station that the signal passes through or any place that could compromise the signal?
Sheldon Tunney No. It's a clean feed from GOES 11 to us. [his pager starts beeping] Oh! You'll have to excuse me.
Okay, thank you. You've been very helpful.
How was that helpful?
You just be quiet for a second, okay? So the adults can think.
If I'm going to die on this island which I never should've come to in the first place, your face is not the last face I want to see, you understand that? Respectfully, of course.
I know you like it here.
I like... here? Incorrect! You are incorrect, my friend!
Then why the board, huh? Did hell freeze over? Did I actually miss you trying to get up on that thing? [snickers]
No comment!!
[The team discovers the money from the HPD asset forfeiture locker packed inside sandbags stashed at the HPD central HQ and try to pin the prime suspect]
Coast Guard tracked that drug deal for six months. It was supposed to be our takedown, but then HPD swooped in, took the credit. Now I'm being pushed out before my 20. No pension. No benefits. My country owes me.
[irritated, gets in Commander Hale's face] Hey, let's clear things right now. You swore to defend and support this country no matter what the cost. She doesn't owe you anything, okay?
This uh, gonna be your last chance to say it. Come on.
Book 'em, Danno.
[as Danny cuffs Hale] How much money is this?
Twenty-eight million.
[to Kono] You know, there might be a few other things I could teach you, but I think you got the whole ass-kicking thing down.
I may not be able to see you, okay. But I can hear you. And you have a tone.
Tone? I don't have a tone. I don't have a tone.
You say I have a face. You, my friend, you have a tone. You have a tone, okay? And it's a tone that says "I'm gonna hit somebody."
[to Danny] Wasn't that the mother of your child?
You know what the greatest invention of all time is?
What?
The Ignore button. You know, I have a theory that whoever invented the modern cellular phone also had an ex-wife.
[Danny has a face-to-face with Hawaii Housing Commissioner Bruce Hoffmann after Stan comes clean about the circumstances behind a carjack of Rachel's car]
I'm Detective Danny Williams. I am also the father of that little girl that was in the Mercedes that you had carjacked this morning, sending a message to Stan Edwards. I have the tapes now. He doesn't have them anymore. I'm going to ask you a question. What do you think would happen if those tapes got out? Huh?
Look, look. I-I don't know anything about what you're talking about, Detective Williams.
[shoves Hoffmann onto a wall and stamps badge on his forehead] Williams. You can get my badge number off your forehead. I have those tapes, and will expose you, and if you ever, ever put a gun in the same zip code as my daughter, I swear to God, I will kill you. You understand?
[sees Danny bent over] What are you doing?
Buying a car. What's it look like I'm doing?
It looks like you're doing downward dog, but I know you don't do yoga.
I'm stretching because my back hurts. Do you know why my back hurts?
No. Why does your back hurt?
Because I spent the morning pushing a car down the Pali Highway.
Ah. Where I come from that's called good exercise.
Where is that, Krypton? Where I come from, that's called a worker's comp settlement.
[sees Kamekona in a tracksuit] When did you start jogging?
I'm in training, brah.
Did he just say he's in a training bra?
No, he...
Very funny.
I'm training for a sumo competition.
Oh. Sumo.
Sumo.
Shouldn't you be, uh, wearing a diaper? Big diaper? Something like that?
It's called a mawashi, brah. Lip off to me one more time, I'll give you a personal introduction to the sport.
I like my odds. Bring it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hawaii Five-0 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
