Hawaii Five-0 · Season 1
Let me guess, you're a cop?
Uh, yes, I'm a cop. What gave it away?
Slacks and a button down.
Ha! Well, at least I'm not wearing a tie, right?
How old's your daughter?
My daughter. How do you know I got a daughter? You run a background check on me?
No. You have some glitter on your shirt.
Williams: Oh Yeah, she's, uh she's obsessed with the stuff.
[Steve is speaking to the Aloha Girls around the campfire while Danny and their chaperon Madeline sit at the side looking on]
I once saw a boar kill a tiger in India. This is serious business, okay? I'll tell you why. Boars are deadly, unpredictable beasts. They are everywhere on this island. They are all around us right now. They can attack without warning, so you guys have to be ready to protect yourselves at all times. You understand? [the girls nod in fascination] Good. We're gonna talk about the kill zone now. This is very important, okay?
[to Danny] Seriously? "Kill zone"?
[looks apologetically at Madeline] I am very sorry.
I thought you brought him here to teach them survival skills. You brought Colonel Kurtz.
Let's, um let's take this opportunity to talk about something else. Um, something useful, like how to find fresh water. Or, uh-- I don't know-- how to build a pillow out of-of flowers, something like that, something appropriate for the age group.
Yeah, we could definitely do that. Okay. Or Who wants to learn how to do that? [throws his knife into the tree trunk, girls look at him in awe]
[to Steve] You know what? There's something pathologically wrong with you.
You know, on the plus side, we've figured out that camping is terrible, as I've always believed.
Are you kidding me? These girls are never, ever gonna forget this experience.
Yeah, I'm hoping that they're repressing the memories as we speak.
[Danny helps him back on his feet] Thanks.
Yeah, no problem.
So, how's the arm?
It also hates camping.
I talked to Lucy today.
Yeah? How's she doing?
Happy to be home. She said one day she's gonna marry Uncle Steve when she grows up.
[chuckles] Well, we will not hold that against her, right?
[seeing McGarrett bring in a criminal who attempted to carjack him, sarcastically] Looks like somebody made Santa's naughty list.
Hey. Max got an ID yet?
No, he's still fishing out body parts. I think he's enjoying it, too.
I can't believe that was a person. Crispy.
Um, I told you my nephew was maybe gonna come visit from Jersey. Well, that happened. Here he is.
[greets Steve] What's up, bro? Call me E-Train.
[annoyed] Put your hand down, okay? That's not your bro, your name's Eric.
[...]
My sister's worried sick, does not know what to do with him. So she sent him to me, maybe I can, I don't know, scare some sense into him.
How's that working out?
He just saw his first dead body and he's still acting like a complete idiot so, I guess I have my work cut out for me.
[about Eric] It's like, uh, house-training a puppy. I mean, the kid has zero impulse control.
People have a way of surprising sometimes.
How can a girl who's so spicy also be so sweet, huh?
Don't make me change my mind.
Thought nobody wore a tie in Hawaii.
No, they don't, but, you know, it's a special day, so I thought I'd wear one. 'Course, I'm wearing my dress blues. They'd make me walk the plank if I don't wear a tie with the dress blues.
How come the blues are black?
I know they're black; I don't know why.
Thank you very much for being here-- it means a lot.
[after Steve gets orders from Governor Denning to investigate a case] Is this official business, or is this a favor?
What difference does it make?
Well, it makes a very big difference, you see, because official business is, uh, official. A favor is like a quid pro quo kind of deal, right? You solve this murder case for me, and I will give you, uh, oh, five days' paid vacation. Right? Or tickets to Monster Truck Jam, or whatever.
Monster Truck Jam's not in town.
Okay, so then it is, indeed, official business.
Exactly.
It seems to me like we're taking a case just to protect the governor's friends.
We're the governor's task force.
Then why does it feel like we are performing janitorial services, blindfolded, I might add.
We've been given a directive, Danny.
Oh, right, I understand. When McGarrett gets an order, he takes the order. You know what you're like? You're like one of those windup toy soldiers. Let me get you a drum for Christmas to beat.
[Five-0 has just taken down Curt Stoner, and McGarrett checks his body. He suddenly sees Ben Keoki, Troy Ookala, and his own father smiling at him]
We just wanted to thank you, Steve.
[shakes John's hand] Dad.
You're all I could've hoped for in a son, Steven. I'm proud of you.
Steve, come on!
Give me a sec! [looks back to officers to see they're gone]
[hands Mick a manila envelope] I need a full surveillance package on this target.
[takes a photo out of the envelope] Who is she?
It's my mother.
[looks up at Steve] Kid, you don't need a P.I., you need a therapist.
Trust me, she's not your average mom. She's a former government agent. She disappeared from my life 20 years ago because of an assignment, now she's back says she's changed. I don't believe her. She goes dark a few hours every day. She racks up too many miles on the odometer. I want to know what she's up to.
Well, why come to me? You've got the resources to handle this.
No, I don't want my people involved. Besides, there's no one better than you at recon and surveillance.
Full surveillance package means I'm on her 24/7. That's audio, stills, video Good chance I'll see your mother naked.
[annoyed] Okay, you know, I didn't need to know that.
Just sayin'.
[about Kamekona's gun] Wow, now, this is insult to injury. This guy's got The Guns of Navarone.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hawaii Five-0 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
