Kevin and Gretel in “Empower Failure”

(narrating) The day I turned sixteen, I got my driver's license, and suddenly, I was free. I could be out on the open road with nothing but my own dreams to guide me. I could let the wind of adventure blow back my hair as the beckoning horizon pulled me ever onwards.

But instead, I'm just driving my little sister to and from soccer in my mom's minivan.

Kevin, you're not just driving me to soccer! I have flute lessons tomorrow, remember?

This is my life.

And on Friday, you're taking me to Tina's birthday party.

Chauffeur to a grade schooler.

And then, Saturday, I've got ballet...

I could be out there making my own destiny, but instead, I'm just spinning my wheels and going nowhere.

Just like Hamster! But if I hold him up like this, he thinks he's running super fast. Look at him go!

(sighs) I can't believe I'm having hamster envy.