Lewis McCartney quotes from H2O: Just Add Water

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[On the phone]

So have you decided what time for the party tonight? ...

I know, but... I just don't see how I can have the party this year. Not with recent developments... Your new job! ...The dolphin tank at the Marine Park.

Emma! This is tradition we're talking about!

Lewis

The what?!

Yes of course the tank's full of water Emma, they're aquatic mammals... Yes I DO remember what water does to me, but I'm not going to let that ruin my life.

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Lewis

So, this is the place that turned you into a fish.

A mermaid, Lewis.

Lewis

Yeah, that's what I meant. I don't know, I expected something a little more Club Med.

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Lewis

So, how did you get here?

Swim. There’s an underwater entrance.

Lewis

Swim? So the hike was optional. I could have swum?

Fifty meters, without coming up for air?

Lewis

Right, point taken. Air is good.

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I can't go near the river as...

Lewis

Yeah I know, the whole beach whale thing.

Mermaid, Lewis.

Lewis

Yes that is exactly what I meant.

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[Rikki walks into the JuiceNet Cafe; Emma and Cleo are already there, and have worried looks on their faces; Emma's arms are crossed]

Hey, guys, what's up?

We can't find Elliot.

He'll be around. Just...relax.

He's not, Rikki. We've looked all over, and he's not anywhere. It's not like him to just disappear.

Have you told your parents?

No way. They'd freak out. It's like he's run away. You know, he was acting all weird last night, not his usual, happy self.

[Rikki looks down at the floor, and starts rubbing her neck with her left hand]

[she leans her head forward a bit] What?

Oh, no. [her sentence trails off from the start] It's probably just nothing...

Rikki!

OK, I told him that I wasn't interested, but I think I was gentle.

[Emma and Cleo both glare at her, knowing she's not telling the truth; Rikki grimaces]

OK, OK. [as Rikki speaks, Emma closes her eyes, shakes her head, re-opens her eyes, and bites her lower lip in frustration] I told him that even if he was older, taller, and a lot less, I think the words were "squeaky clean," that I wouldn't be interested, and that he should just back off, and leave me alone.

Rikki!

He's just a kid!

He kept bugging me!

[finally uncrossing her arms] You keep acting like he's committing a crime for having a crush on you. [Emma sighs, shakes her head at Rikki, then briefly looks at Cleo before turning back to Rikki] We've gotta go find him before my parents find out, but if anything happens to him, it'll be your fault.

[Emma storms out; Cleo follows, shaking her head as she walks past Rikki; now guilt-ridden, Rikki turns around and sits at a table, leaning her chin on her hand; Lewis walks in, slaps a bucket hat down, and sits across from her]

Lewis

Hey! [he notices Rikki's upset] Why the long face?

[quietly, with her chin still on her hand] Elliot.

Lewis

Oh-ho-ho! Oh, lemme guess. You tried to let him down easy, and now he-he's mortally crushed.

[taking her chin off her hand] He's gone missing, Lewis. This is serious. Have you seen him anywhere?

Lewis

No. No, I haven't. Not since Lenny's. Maybe you should try thinking like a little kid.

[scoffs] Easier said than done. Where would you hide if you were a little kid?

Lewis

Somewhere you'd never find me.

[Rikki thinks hard, then smiles]

That's it!

[she gets up and dashes out of the cafe]

Lewis

Wha-?! All right. [throwing his hands up] Be mysterious.

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DDr. Denman

Oh, and Lewis, you can call me Linda.

Lewis

Linda? Why?

DDr. Denman

That's my name.

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[Cleo opens the gate and runs to the end of the dock, with Rikki and Emma behind her. They stop and see Denman's boat sailing away.]

That's her boat!

Come on. If anybody can catch her, we can.

[Grabs Cleo's arm before she can jump into the water and swim after the boat] Wait. I think that might defeat the purpose of all the secrecy, don't you?

[Remembers what they were really at the end of the dock for] Oh. You're right. [Rikki lets go of her arm] Sorry. But are we just gonna let him go like this?

Lewis

[Approaches the girls] Like what? [Rikki and Emma turn to him and smile]

[Unaware that Lewis has approached them] Well, you're just sailing away without saying... [Turns to Lewis and smiles] Lewis! You didn't go.

Lewis

Keen observation, Cleo. Very, very good. [Holds up the slide]

[Happily] You got the slide back. [Lewis hands her the slide. She takes it]

And she didn't suck you in?

Lewis

What, are you serious? You think I'd buy that stuff about being a good scientist? [Scoffs] Please.

What about her records? All the stuff I saw?

Lewis

When she opens the file, I think she'll find it's recently been erased. Oops. [The girls smile] No, I don't think the good doctor and I are a team anymore, guys.

[Smiling] It's good to have you back, Lewis.

[Cleo and Lewis try to hug, but decide to settle on a high-five.]

Lewis

[Smiling] Thank you.

[The girls and Lewis leave the end of the dock.]

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[Rikki is hiding in the bathroom. Emma, Cleo, and Lewis are sitting on the bed.]

[To Rikki] Come on, Rikki. We need to sort this out.

[Comes out of the bathroom and sees Emma and Cleo wearing sunglasses] [To Emma, Cleo, and Lewis] What?

[Emma and Cleo remove their sunglasses.]

[To Rikki] I figured there was something going on.

What do you mean?

With the amount you were spending. [To Cleo] How much do you get paid at the Marine Park, Cleo?

$975 an hour.

[To Rikki] And how much were you getting paid?

Not much more than that. [Emma gives her a look as if to say "Anything else?"] All right, yeah, it was a bit more than that. [The other two girls and Lewis stare at her] Fine, okay, yeah, it was a few hundred dollars more, but I was working hard.

Lewis

[To Rikki] And it is a niche market.

Hey, you two were happy enough letting me spending up big on you. You could have said something, but no!

Lewis

Rikki, didn't you ever there was something suss about him? I mean, not even once?

What can I say? He didn't look bad.

[To Rikki] He was doing business out of the back of a boat, handing out big lots of cash. Hello?!

We don't all have your vast underworld experience, Emma.

[Rikki leaves, while Emma, Cleo, and Lewis look regretful.]

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[Rikki goes down the stairs, with Emma, Cleo, and Lewis behind her.]

[To Rikki] Okay, I'm sorry. At least you found out before you got into any real trouble.

Lewis

[To Rikki] Yeah. And you made quite a good deal of money out of it. [The girls give him a confused look] That's me being supportive.

This isn't about the money. He strung me along. Made me feel like I was some dumb kid. [Removes her necklace and hangs it on the end of the railing]

He's probably done this loads of times.

[To Rikki] I'm sure you're not the first one, Rikki.

Yeah, but I'm the one who's gonna get even. [Starts to go towards the door]

[Speaks up before Rikki can go towards the door, causing Rikki to turn to her] [To Rikki] And the best way to do that is to tell the police.

Lewis

[To the girls] Ordinarily, yes, but in a case like this, they'd require quite a deal of evidence to gain a conviction.

I don't need evidence. This guy's a creep. And I'm gonna do something about it.

[To Rikki] Like what?

Just watch. [Exits the house]

[To Cleo and Lewis] Okay, just because she won't call the police doesn't mean we can't.

[To Emma] Good idea. [Starts dialing the police number on her phone]

Lewis

[To Emma and Cleo] Um... [Takes Cleo's phone from her, then goes down the stairs] ...one of the things the police will ask is how Rikki happened to come by the fish she sold this guy. [Emma and Cleo sit on the stairs] What's she gonna say? [Imitates Rikki] "Oh, no, no, no, it's okay, trust me. I'm a mermaid."

[To Lewis] All right. We might have to bend the rules a little for this one.

Lewis

[Normal voice] Ooh, coming from you, that's big.

Let's not overreact. Rikki's not crazy.

Lewis

Sometimes she's crazy.

[To Emma and Lewis] Sometimes she's really crazy.

[Emma and Cleo look at each other, then at Lewis, who shrugs. Emma and Cleo stand up to after Rikki.]