[to Alfred] I'm building a bomb to blow down that door. You may assist me if you wish, but if not, some tea would be nice.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Do I kill him now?
No, make him a nice cheese toastie - yes, kill him now!
Just wanted to be clear.
[Alfred has just destroyed Thomas Wayne's computer]
It's ruined! Why would you do that? Answer me!
It had to be done, Master Bruce.
This was the key to exposing Wayne Enterprises. Everything I worked for, everything my dad worked for, is now gone! Because of you!
If I knew what was down here, I would have never helped get you in. Look around you, look! Liters of blood. A bulletproof vest with two studs in it. Bullets, guns! Whatever is on that computer probably killed your dad, and I'll be damned if I watch you suffer the same fate, Master Bruce. I'm trying to protect you. I'm trying to keep you safe.
I want you to go.
I know you're upset...
No! I want you to go, and never come back. Understand? You're fired.
[pause]
Very well, Master Bruce. As you wish.
You know, I once knew this geezer called Onslow in the Isle of Dogs, in the East End of London. Leery little scallywag he was, he was too smiley by half. Never trusted. Anyway, Lucius, one day he comes bowling up to me, and he asks me to do him this right iffy favor. Oh, it doesn't matter what it was. The point being, against my better judgement... I agreed to do it. But Lucius, I told him, I told him straight, "You let me down, Onslow, I will tuck you up, Sunshine. Like a kipper." He swears blind, swears on his mother's grave he would never do such a thing, but of course he did. Couldn't help himself, he let me down. So I tucked him up. Like a kipper.
...What is a kipper?
It's a type of smoked fish. Very nice with eggs and brown toast for breakfast. [Lucius nods] But what I learned from Onslow is this: there are two types of people on this planet, you see. Them you can trust... and them you can't.
I cannot disagree.
Which kind are you?
Both kinds of people would give you the same answer, wouldn't they?
Exactly. Exactly right. There lieth the problem, Lucius; you see, I need to confide in you. And I need to know that you're trustworthy.
Perhaps I should decline your confidence; I don't like the sound of these 'kippers.'
Yeah, well it's a bit late for that, unfortunately. I mean, it's you, after all, Lucius, that created this mess when you told young Master Bruce that his dear old dead dad was a 'stoic'.
Ah.
Ah, exactly. See, there's a problem: I've got no one else to turn to. I have to confide in you.
[nods] I see.
Do you? I mean, just to be crystal clear about this: If it turns out that I can't trust you... I swear on my mother's grave, you, my old sausage... are a dead man.
I have only the best intentions for Bruce Wayne.
[to the barman] Another gin-and-tonic please, guvner, and whatever this young man's drinking, one for yourself. [to Lucius] How are you at fixing computers?
Mr. Mayor, you want to know what I really am?
MAMayor Aubrey James
[with a box on his head] Yes, sir.
Shall I tell you?
MAMayor Aubrey James
Please, please.
At heart... I'm an ardent student of human nature. Fascinating paradox, we are. So wise, and yes so foolish. So brave, and yet so fearful. For instance, this is a glass jar. Inside of it is a hairy spider. A tarantula, I guess, but I'm no expert. In a minute, I'm gonna open that little hatch in the front of your box. I'm gonna drop the spider inside, and I'm gonna close it. That's Choice A. [the Mayor cries from inside of the box] Choice B: I open the hatch, you speak to your lovely secretary Maggie on the telephone, you tell her you've run away with some woman and you'll be sending written instructions shortly. So which is it, Choice A or Choice B?
MAMayor Aubrey James
Choice B, please. Please, Choice B.
The telephone. Of course. It's human nature. [Theo opens the box hatch] See? There is no spider. But if you don't do what I ask, you'll wish there was one.
MAMayor Aubrey James
Why are you doing this to me?
Don't fret so. You're part of a great endeavor. A great cleansing. Monsters are coming, Mr. Mayor. Monsters. Who will cleanse this city in blood and fire.
Very soon, little man, you will be dead, and the world will go on without you. No one will even remember your name.
JVJerome Veleska
No, that's where you are wrong, old lady. We will leave a mark on this city. We will spread across it like a virus. Do you know why?
RGRobert Greenwood
There's nothing more contagious than laughter!
[Jerome shoots him dead]
JVJerome Veleska
My line. There's nothing more contagious than laughter!
[Essen spits in his face]
JVJerome Veleska
That was strangely pleasant. Do it again.
[she head-butts him]
That's gonna leave a mark.
JVJerome Veleska
[laughing] You got me. My turn.
You're all prisoners. What you call sanity is just a prison in your mind that stops you from seeing that you're just tiny, little cogs in a giant, absurd machine. Wake up!! Why be a cog when you can be free like us? Just remember - smile.
[to Barbara] When Jim Gordon has outlived his usefulness, I'm going to help you destroy him. Not kill him - destroy him. Body and soul
Besides, there's going to be a magician. And you like magicians, don't you?
No, I don't. I hate magicians.
You know what I said about being normal?
So, uh, how do you go from being in the Royal Marines to a butler?
Well, it is a bit tedious after a while. You know, parachuting into one global hot spot after another. Warlords putting ridiculous bounties on your head. Gets a bit boring, really.
Hey, you're psychic. So, tell me, do I kill?
PCPaul Cicero
You will be a curse upon Gotham. Children will wake from sleep screaming at the thought of you. Your legacy will be death and madness.
[leans in and whispers] Ha, ha, ha.
[about Jerome] He's probably been planning this Maniax shtick since you sent him away.
He was just a kid.
Every evil bastard in the world was "just a kid" once.
[Jerome is holding Lee hostage]
You son of a bitch!
True, but not the point. Let's talk about what I want: $47 million, a helicopter, obviously, the dry cleaning I left at Mr. Chang's - be careful, the man is a crook - and, oh, I don't know, a pony. You got 10 minutes or I start killing people. And remember, this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so, y'know, don't let people die. Bye! [laughs hysterically, hangs up] I think that went well.
So, Lee, how's Jim doing? I hope he's not blaming himself for this Essen-being-killed thing.
You are one crazy bitch.
So rude. You know, I'm gonna make a prediction. Within a year, Jim and I will be back together. Want to know why? Because we're both the same. We both have a dark side. And one day, we will tell our grandchildren about this man-eating harpy who almost tore us apart! But in the end... love conquered all.
[whispering] Please...
[leans in eagerly] What was that?
[Lee knees her in the stomach, hard. Barbara grabs a knife and lunges at her, but Jerome catches her arm.]
Ah-ah. Hasn't been 10 minutes yet.
A year ago, I held Fish Mooney's umbrella. Now she's dead, by my hand, as is Maroni. Falcone is in hiding, and all of their businesses are mine. They all underestimated me. I suggest that you do not make the same mistake.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gotham pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.