Jerome Valeska quotes from Gotham

Jerome Valeska

You're all prisoners. What you call sanity is just a prison in your mind that stops you from seeing that you're just tiny, little cogs in a giant, absurd machine. Wake up!! Why be a cog when you can be free like us? Just remember - smile.

Jerome Valeska

Alright folks, this is very important: whatever you do, please, definitely try this at home. Preferably on a family member.

Jerome Valeska

I'm gonna cure you of this attitude, Oswald. I'm gonna find the entertaining guy I know is inside of you, and when I do... oooh, we are gonna have so much fun together!

Jerome Valeska

[Nonchalant] Yeah, hi, I'm here to see Xander Wilde. [pulls out a shotgun] And no, I don't have an appointment.

Jerome Valeska

Don't bother calling security. They're all... [the secretary screams] ...headless.

Jerome Valeska

[recorded, cackling] Hello, brother. Didn't think you could get rid of me so easily, did you? See, my days were numbered, but you... Oh, you can continue on for me, be my ultimate revenge! [Jeremiah begins to stagger around the room, coughing and knocking things over] So... calm yourself. Don't fight it. [Jeremiah clutches his head and screams] Breathe it in. This gas was a special mixture I had made, just for you. Something to finally set you free. It's time to have some fun!

Jerome Valeska

[recording] Burn it down, brother. Burn it all down!

Jim Gordon

Do you know why you're here?

Jerome Valeska

Did you find out who killed my mother?

Jim Gordon

You killed your mother, Jerome.

Jerome

[stunned] Me?

Jim Gordon

You killed her up on that hill, and Mr. Cicero let you clean up in his trailer. He told you to scratch the Satanist stuff on the hatchet, and throw it off the bridge.

Jerome Valeska

Sir, that's absurd, and offensive.

Jim Gordon

But it's the truth. [looking at Cicero] What I don't know is why this man risked so much to help you. I think he's your father.

Jerome Valeska

You don't know what you're talking about. My father was a sea captain.

Jim Gordon

Am I wrong, Mr. Cicero?

Yes.

Jerome Valeska

He was a sea captain. His name was Sven Carlson, and he died at sea.

Jim Gordon

What was the name of his ship?

Jerome Valeska

He worked on a lot of different ships.

Jim Gordon

The one he went down in.

Jerome Valeska

[pause] She never said.

Jim Gordon

We can do a blood test to prove I'm right. It takes only half an hour to get a foolproof result. Isn't that right, Dr. Thompkins?

Dr. Leslie Thompkins

That's right.

Jim Gordon

Save yourself a needle.

I do hate needles. I'm sorry, Jerome.

Jerome Valeska

What are you talking about?

He's right. I am your father.

Jerome Valeska

No you're not! Why would you say that?

You must have suspected the truth.

Jerome Valeska

You're not my father. My mother would never have...

Your mother was a cruel woman. She was often unkind to me. But she did once love me, in her way. And she loved you very much. That's why she gave you a better father.

Jerome Valeska

My mother was a coldhearted whore who never loved anyone, and she'd never touch a pathetic old creep like you.

All these years, do you think I was kind to you because I'm such a good man? If I wasn't your father…would I would have helped you as I have after what you did?

Jerome Valeska

[pause] My father. Hmmm, I’ll be damned. That’s very funny. [laughs and makes a rimshot noise] Looks like the bitch got me with the zinger in the end.

Jim Gordon

Why did you kill your mother, Jerome?

Jerome Valeska

Oh, you know how mothers are. She just... kept... pushing. And I’m like, "Fine, mom, be a whore. Be a drunken whore, even. But don't be a nagging drunken whore" ...you know? "Don't come yell at me to do the dishes, if you've been banging a clown in the next room! [punches the table] You know? [laughs maniacally]

Sarah Essen

Very soon, little man, you will be dead, and the world will go on without you. No one will even remember your name.

No, that's where you are wrong, old lady. We will leave a mark on this city. We will spread across it like a virus. Do you know why?

There's nothing more contagious than laughter!

My line. There's nothing more contagious than laughter!

That was strangely pleasant. Do it again.

Sarah Essen

That's gonna leave a mark.

[laughing] You got me. My turn.

Jerome Valeska

Hey, you're psychic. So, tell me, do I kill?

You will be a curse upon Gotham. Children will wake from sleep screaming at the thought of you. Your legacy will be death and madness.

Jerome Valeska

[leans in and whispers] Ha, ha, ha.

Jim Gordon

You son of a bitch!

Jerome Valeska

True, but not the point. Let's talk about what I want: $47 million, a helicopter, obviously, the dry cleaning I left at Mr. Chang's - be careful, the man is a crook - and, oh, I don't know, a pony. You got 10 minutes or I start killing people. And remember, this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so, y'know, don't let people die. Bye! [laughs hysterically, hangs up] I think that went well.

Barbara Kean

So, Lee, how's Jim doing? I hope he's not blaming himself for this Essen-being-killed thing.

Dr. Leslie Thompkins

You are one crazy bitch.

Barbara Kean

So rude. You know, I'm gonna make a prediction. Within a year, Jim and I will be back together. Want to know why? Because we're both the same. We both have a dark side. And one day, we will tell our grandchildren about this man-eating harpy who almost tore us apart! But in the end... love conquered all.

Dr. Leslie Thompkins

[whispering] Please...

Barbara Kean

[leans in eagerly] What was that?

Jerome Valeska

Ah-ah. Hasn't been 10 minutes yet.

Jerome Valeska

Wow, that is quite a story. Now, I know I've been dead, but doesn't that sound a little crazy to you?

Dr. Leslie Thompkins

Hey, maybe you're dreaming. Try shooting yourself.

Jerome Valeska

Some of you may know, I died. Uh-oh. Take it from me, death is... dull. But coming back, that is something! Leave it to death to give you a whole new perspective on life. And I would like to share that with you. Tonight, Gotham, in the darkness, there are no rules. So Gotham, tonight, do what you want. Kill who you want. And when morning comes, you too shall be reborn. Oh, and eh... (Snaps his fingers, trying to remember his name)

Dwight.

Jerome Valeska

(Annoyed) I don't forgive you for my face. (Laughs insanely as he leaves)

Bruce Wayne

You killed Alfred.

Jerome Valeska

Is that what this is about? Yeesh. Are all rich kids this close with their butlers?

Bruce Wayne

Is there a plan for all this madness?

Jerome Valeska

These people don't want a plan. They want an excuse. A mother who dreams of strangling her child. A husband who wants to stab his wife. All they want is someone to tell them, "Do it. Kill them. It doesn't matter." It doesn't. [turns to dunk tank game, where a hostage is suspended over a tank of piranhas] Ooh, I love this game!

Bruce Wayne

You won't get away with this.

Jerome Valeska

Already did. Now shush. Need to concentrate.

Bruce Wayne

A few dozen brainwashed maniacs can't take the city hostage forever.

Jerome Valeska

Well, duh!

Bruce Wayne

So what's the point?

Jerome Valeska

The point is that all these people out here looting, robbing, killing, they're the people who wash your car, who pour your coffee, who take out your trash. And what happened the minute the lights went out? They showed their true faces. They showed how quickly they wanna open up your rich boy veins and bathe in your blue blood. That is the point.

Bruce Wayne

That's not true. There are good people in Gotham.

Jerome Valeska

[laughs] Like who? The sheep who lock their doors and crawl under their beds? Face it, kid: Gotham has no heroes.

Jerome Valeska

When I say three hairs past a freckle, gentlemen, I do not mean five hairs past. Let's do better next time, hmm?

Jervis Tetch

Mind both P's and Q's, Valeska. We're not your militia, to be becked and called.

I dread to think of where you'd be without us.

Jervis Tetch

Boys! Boys, um, let's not squabble too early in our partnership. There'll be plenty of time to stab each other in the backs later, but for now, stick to Jerome's plan and everyone will get what they want.

An earthly kingdom of terror.

Jervis Tetch

A piece of Gotham Pie, both sky and high!

Jerome Valeska

That's the spirit, boys! Think big... and kinky. [glances at Tortuga] And lose the weirdo; she's giving me the heebie-jeebies.

Jervis Tetch

Your work is done, my dear. Your race all run.

Glad to be of help. [she hands Jerome her keys and slits her own throat]

Jerome Valeska

Much better. Now, to free the rest of our cronies and blow this popstand.