[King Robert Baratheon pays a visit to Lord Eddard Stark of Winterfell]
Robert BaratheonYou got fat.
[Ned looks at him with a cocked eyebrow as if to say "Look who's talking", then they both burst out laughing and hug.]
Robert Baratheon
Cat! [hugs and kisses Catelyn.]
Robert Baratheon
Nine years! Why have I not seen you? Where the hell have you been?
Guarding the North for you, Your Grace. Winterfell is yours.
[Queen Cersei steps out of the carriage after her children with a distasteful look on her face.]
Robert Baratheon
[to Robb] And who have we here? You must be Robb. [to Sansa] My, you're a pretty one. And your name is...
Robert Baratheon
[to Bran] Ohhh, show us your muscles. You'll be a soldier!
[Robert chuckles and moves back towards Ned. Behind him, Jaime Lanniser removes his helmet]
That's Jaime Lannister, the Queen's twin brother.
Would you please shut up?!
[Cersei walks up to Ned and offers her hand; after a moment, Eddard kisses it.]
Robert Baratheon
Take me to your crypt, I want to pay my respects.
We've been riding for a month, my love. Surely, the dead can wait.
Robert Baratheon
Ned.
[Turns towards the crypts, followed hesitantly by Ned.]
[Cersei overhears her and goes back over to Jaime]
Where is our brother? Go and find the little beast!
Robert Baratheon
There was that one... oh, what was her name? That common girl of yours? Becca, with the great big tits you could bury your face in?
Bessie. She was one of yours.
Robert Baratheon
Bessie! Thank the gods for Bessie, and her tits! Yours was, uh... Aleena? No, you told me once. Uh... Meryl? Your bastard's mother?
Robert Baratheon
That's it. She must have been a rare wench to make Lord Eddard Stark forget his honour. You never told me what she looked like.
Robert Baratheon
We were at war. None of us knew if we were gonna go back home again. You're too hard on yourself. You always have been. I swear, if I weren't your king, you'd have hit me already.
The worst thing about your coronation, I'll never get to hit you again.
Robert Baratheon
Trust me, that's not the worst thing. [pulls out a folded slip of paper from his coat] There was a rider in the night.
[opens the note and reads it] Daenerys Targaryen has wed some Dothraki horselord. What of it? Should we send her a wedding gift?
Robert Baratheon
A knife, perhaps. A good, sharp one, and a bold man to wield it.
She's little more than a child.
Robert Baratheon
Soon enough, that child will spread her legs and start breeding.
Tell me we're not speaking of this.
Robert Baratheon
Oh, it's unspeakable to you? What her father did to your family, that was unspeakable! What Rhaegar Targaryen did to your sister, the woman I loved! I'll kill every Targaryen I get my hands on!
But you can't get your hands on this one, can you?
Robert Baratheon
This Khal Drogo, it's said he has a hundred thousand men in his horde.
Even a million Dothraki are no threat to the realm, as long as they remain on the other side of the Narrow Sea. They have no ships, Robert!
Robert Baratheon
There are still those in the Seven Kingdoms who call me 'Usurper'. If a Targaryen boy crosses with a Dothraki horde at his back, the scum will join him!
He will not cross! And if by chance he does, we'll throw him back into the sea!
Robert Baratheon
There's a war coming, Ned. I don't know when, I don't know who we'll be fighting... but it's coming.
It's made too small, Your Grace, it won't go.
Robert Baratheon
Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat arse, did you know that? Look at this idiot—one ball and no brains; he can't even put a man's armour on him properly!
You're too fat for your armour.
Robert Baratheon
Fat? Fat is it? Is that how you speak to your king?
[Robert, Ned, and Lancel laugh. Robert turns to Lancel.]
Robert Baratheon
Oh, it's funny, is it?
Robert Baratheon
No? You don't like the Hand's joke?
You're torturing the poor boy.
Robert Baratheon
You heard the Hand, the king's too fat for his armour—go find the breastplate-stretcher, NOW!
[Lancel leaves hurriedly; Ned and Robert laugh.]
The breastplate-stretcher?
Robert Baratheon
How long before he figures it out?
[The Small Council meet after learning of Daenerys's pregnancy]
Robert Baratheon
The whore is pregnant!
You're speaking of murdering a child.
Robert Baratheon
I warned you this would happen. Back in the North, I warned you, but you didn't care to hear. Well, hear it now! I want 'em dead. Mother and child both. And that fool Viserys as well, is that plain enough for you? I want them both dead!
You will dishonour yourself forever if you do this.
Robert Baratheon
Honour?! I've got Seven Kingdoms to rule! One King, Seven Kingdoms! Do you think honour keeps them in line?! Do you think it's honour that's keeping the peace?! It's fear! Fear and blood!
Then we're no better than the Mad King!
Robert Baratheon
Careful, Ned! Careful now!
You want to assassinate a girl because the Spider heard a rumor?
No rumor, My Lord. The princess is with child.
Based on whose information?
Ser Jorah Mormont. He is serving as adviser to the Targaryens.
Mormont? You bring us the whispers of a traitor half a world away and call it fact?
Jorah Mormont's a slaver, not a traitor. Small difference, I know, to an honourable man.
He broke the law. Betrayed his family, fled our land. We commit murder on the word of this man?
Robert Baratheon
And if he's right?! If she has a son?! A Targaryen at the head of a Dothraki army! What then?!
The Narrow Sea still lies between us. I'll fear the Dothraki the day they teach their horses to run on water.
Robert Baratheon
Do nothing?! That's your wise advice?! Do nothing till our enemies are on our shores?! You're my Council, counsel! Speak sense to this honourable fool!
I understand your misgivings, my lord. Truly, I do. It is a terrible thing we must consider, a vile thing. Yet we who presume to rule must sometimes do vile things for the good of the realm. Should the gods grant Daenerys a son, the realm will bleed.
I bear this girl no ill will, but should the Dothraki invade, how many innocents will die? How many towns will burn? Is it not wiser, kinder even, that she should die now, so that tens of thousands might live?
We should have had them both killed years ago!
When you find yourselves in bed with an ugly woman, best close your eyes and get it over with. Cut her throat and be done with it!
I followed you into war. Twice. Without doubts, without second thoughts. But I will not follow you now. The Robert I grew up with didn't tremble at the shadow of an unborn child.
Robert Baratheon
She dies.
I will have no part in it.
Robert Baratheon
You're the King's Hand, Lord Stark. You'll do as I command, or I'll find me a Hand who will!
[Ned takes off his badge of office and tosses it onto the table in front of Robert]
And good luck to him. I thought you were a better man.
Robert Baratheon
Out! Out, damn you! I'm done with you! Go, run back to Winterfell! I'll have your head on a spike! I'll put it there myself, you fool! You think you're too good for this, too proud and honourable?! This is a war!
Your pardon, Your Grace. I would rise, but...
Do you know what your wife has done?
She did nothing I did not command.
Robert Baratheon
Who'd have thought she had it in her?
By what right dare you lay hands on my blood?
I am the King's Hand, I was keeping the peace.
You were the King's Hand! You will be held accountable.
Robert Baratheon
All right, will both of you shut your mouths? Catelyn will release Tyrion, and you'll make your peace with Jaime!
Lord Stark was returning drunk from a brothel when his men attacked Jaime.
Robert Baratheon
Quiet, woman.
Jaime has fled the city. Give me leave to bring him back to justice.
Robert Baratheon
Hold your tongue!
He's attacked one of my brothers, and abducted the other! I should wear the armor, and you the gown!
[Robert turns and strikes her across the face.]
I shall wear this bruise like a badge of honour.
Robert Baratheon
Wear it in silence, or I'll honour you again.
[Cersei stares at Robert for a moment and leaves in disgust]
Robert Baratheon
See what she does to me? My loving wife. [pours on some wine] I should not have hit her. [sits at the Bed's head] That was not... That was not kingly.
If we don't act, there will be a war.
Robert Baratheon
So tell your wife to return that little shit of an Imp to King's Landing. She's had her fun, now put an end to it. (beat) You hear me? Send a raven and put an end to it!
And what about Jaime Lannister? What about Jaime?
Robert Baratheon
I'm half a Kingdom in debt to his bloody father! I don't know what happened between you and those yellow haired shits, I don't want to know, this is what matters: I can't rule the Kingdoms if the Starks and the Lannisters are at each other's throats, so, enough!
As you command, Your Grace. With your leave, I will return to Winterfell and set matters straight.
Robert Baratheon
Piss on that, send a raven, I want you to stay. I'm the King, I get what I want. (beat) I never loved my brothers. A sad thing for a man to admit, but it's true. You were the brother I chose.
Game of Thrones · 356 quotes
