Colm, Father Ted and others in “Are You Right There, Father Ted?”

Hello there, Father!

Father Ted

Ah, hello Colm! Out and about?

Yeah. Same as yourself.

Father Ted

Good, good!

I hear you're a racist now, Father!

Father Ted

Wha-what?

How'd you get interested in that type of thing?

Father Ted

Who said I'm a racist?!

Everyone's saying it, Father! Should we all be racist now? What's the official line the Church has taken on this?

Father Ted

No! No-

Only, the farm takes up most of the day, and at night I just like a cup of tea. I mightn't be able to devote myself full-time to the old racism.

Good for you, Father!

Father Ted

What? Oh, Mrs. Carberry!

Good for you, Father! Well someone had the guts to stand up to them at last! Coming over here, taking and our jobs and our women, and acting like they own the feckin' place! Well done Father! Good for you! Good for you! I'd like to feckin'... [slipping and sliding on the muddy ground] Feckin' Greeks!

It isn't the Greeks, it's the Chinese he's after!

Father Ted

I AM NOT AFTER THE CHINESE!

I don't care who he gets as long as I can have a go at the Greeks! They invented gayness!

Father Ted

LOOK, WE ARE NOT HAVING A GO AT ANYBODY! I AM NOT A RACIST, ALL RIGHT?! God!

FECKIN' GREEKS!

How's Mary?

She's fine, she got that job after all.

Great!